859 Days

It has been that long since I wrote here.

Things have changed:

• Got my own place
• Got a job
• Got 2 new grandbabies
• Got COVID, twice
• Got vaccinated
• Found love again

Today, though, the most important thing happened:  I finally was able to get the help I have been needing for years.  There is this stigma in the mental health community – especially for people who have been providers/helpers in that field.  Many of the things that are said are “Well you should know how to fix yourself” or “It can’t be that bad, look at all that you have”.  The list actually goes on and on.  The truth of the matter is, that most providers/helpers in the mental health community want to help because they know what it is like to feel those things.

Trying to tell general practitioners in various states that I was very much aware of what was going on, but I just needed the help to get me there… it led to many of them just saying that I am “high functioning”.  Which I am.  I have had to be for years.  But I didn’t know (clearly from the other posts) how much more function I had left.

So I happened upon an ad on Facebook for something called “Cerebral”.  I thought whatever, I will see what this is.. more than likely, I won’t be able to do it.  So I downloaded it and then I discovered that they took FSA plans and I kinda watched myself completing all of the information needed so that I could have an appointment.  Fast-forward to today, and I am getting help.  I had someone listen.  I had someone confirm what I had known for about 8 years, that I couldn’t get anyone to listen to me on.  And I am getting medication for it.  Finally.

Today.. it is a good day.  I am relieved in so many ways.  I am hoping to catalog the journey here.  Hold myself accountable.  It feels good.