yet to win me over

This is a conversation between a dear close friend of mine and myself.

ME:I believe in the Scriptures as the Word of God. I believe in the Father,the Son and the Holy Ghost. I believe that Jesus was resurrected and died for my sins.

HER: so you’re christian. What more would it take to say you’re christian?

ME: what I cannot seem to put into my heart is the trust and faith in Jesus as my saviour. i’m working on it. “seek and you shall find”. God doesn’t make himself obvious to us so that we can truly choose to turn to him. That is a great state of Love for God.

HER: if you believe he was truyly god why can’t you trust that he has the power to save you?

ME: I do not have a “child-like faith” in Jesus. when you talk to Christians who are with the Holy Spirit…it is very obvious that they are somewhere else…on some other plane. They know and have trust in Jesus as their own PERSONAL saviour (just as God is personal).

HER: what is blocking you from that

ME: because I have yet to put my own desires and sin onto Jesus. My heart still holds the burden that Jesus died for.

HER: you still feel guilty? i don’t think I understand

ME: yes. Intellectually I understand…but heart-wise, i don’t . There is much more I dont’ understand…
i’ve been doing a lot of reading. I’m no longer going to school…i’m reading the Bible, many arguments for and against the existence of God, relationship books… i’m not so much as confused as overwhelmed. I dont’ want to be trivial in the face of God.

HER: why do you believe a single word of the bible to be true?

ME: I’m turning to Christianity for answers to my troubled heart and life.