Is praying the answer?

I’d say this is a difficult question. Here is an excerpt from something I just wrote to my pastor:

Thank you for praying with me yesterday. Today, as I was bathing, I prayed again, asking for guidance in understanding Jesus and his message better. I asked for guidance helping me turn away from the sinful things that plague my mind and heart. I prayed on many more things. The point is, I can’t remember a time when I honestly did that for myself. I can’t remember a time when I said out loud: “In Jesus name I pray!”. Can you imagine?

Anyway, it is hard to say how I felt afterwards. I didn’t feel “born again” or anything. But I did come to the realization that even though I don’t understand where I am in my life, it is not as hard as I once thought to just ask. Even if I don’t “feel” anything, I can just ask for help.

The funny thing, is that I don’t really “expect” God to answer them literally! I don’t expect anything from God! Perhaps a better way to explain how I feel, is that I feel humble. I don’t think I would call my self the humble that the New Testament talks about… I’m not there yet. But a part of me still feels humble.

I respect God’s place and I don’t want to label myself something that I really am not.

In the past, I have simply discredited Christianity based on assumptions that I didn’t even know the basis of. I used to view myself as “not needing God” or “I can make it on my own” or “I should bear the guilt of the things I have done”. The realization that I just cannot do those things on my own is perhaps what I need to look at for true comfort, true independance and true salvation from Jesus.

I guess there comes a point in many lives when we grow into some sort of understanding with God. I am going to pray for those around me that I see suffering, will too turn to God for answers.

I’m going to continue to pray for God’s guidance and I’m going to continue to ask for the Holy Spirit to enter my heart and to heal the things in my past that hurt myself and others. I now think that it’s right to need God, I cannot make it on my own, and Jesus was sent to bear the guilt of my sin. Amen.