Tailgating Recap

I should have typed this on my computer before I shut it down. But I didn’t, so it may be rather short since I’m typing it on my phone.

I did not do anything too embarrassing while tailgating, thankfully, or at least as far as myself or my coworkers remember. Of course, they had been drinking as long and as many as I had, so their recollection was just as fuzzy as mine.

I can’t remember what I wrote in my last entry, so I’ll just start from the beginning.

A month or so ago, one of my coworkers said we should go tailgating together as a team. Two of them go tailgating on a regular basis and my boss usually goes tailgating or goes to the game. They mentioned it and I didn’t really hear anything about it after that, so I figured they changed their minds and decided not to do it. Last Monday (a week and a half ago), my coworker asked what my plans were for the weekend and I told her I’d be going to my moms at some point because we were having a birthday party for the kids and the Apple Festival was going on so I was going to take the kids to the parade. I didn’t really think anything of it. John asked me a couple of times if I was going tailgating and I told him I hadn’t heard any plans so I didn’t think they were doing it.

On Friday we went to lunch and three of the people I was with were talking about where to meet up before the game. They asked if I was going and I told them I didn’t know anything about it. One of them said, “Yes you did! You’ve known from the beginning!” I told her we had discussed the possibility of doing it but that I had never heard any concrete plans and assumed that they weren’t doing it. When we got back to the office, I text John and told him I was miffed because they had assumed I wasn’t going. He told me if I wanted to go, to just tell them. I, being my stubborn self, said I’d they wanted to invite me then they would have and I wasnt going to invite myself. A bit later, they asked if I was going.

I text John and told him I wanted to go, BUT it was going to be an all day affair – like meeting at one persons house at 9:30 am and not leaving until an hour or more after the game, so not getting home until 5:30 or 6:00. He told me he was strongly opposed to me going, that he thought tailgating meant before the game and that I would be home before the game started. We bickered back and forth and I told my female coworker that I would let her know that night.

John and I didn talk about it all evening, so around 10/10:30ish, I said, “So, I guess I’m not going tailgating?” He said that he wouldn’t tell me I couldn’t do something, but he’d rather I drove to campus myself so that I could leave when I wanted to. I text my coworker and told her I’d just meet them on campus.

The next morning I got up and started searching for my Ohio State shirt and I couldn’t find it anywhere. It must have been thrown in my donations to goodwill last time I cleaned out my dresser. So bright and early in the morning I got up and went to Kohls to get myself a new shirt to wear on campus. I got John and the kids breakfast and money out of the bank and headed towards campus.

I text my coworker and asked where they had parked, but it didn’t end up mattering because by time I got there, the lots were mostly full. I ended up parking near Ackerman and 315 and walking nearly two miles to get there. The whole time my coworker was texting me asking where I was and I was giving her vague answers like “on the other side of the moon”, “far far away”, and “never ever going to get there.” It took for-ev-er and then when I got to the bar, there were three different areas of the party and it was just wall to wall people. Finally I found them and they were all like, “We thought you weren’t coming! You drug it out so long we thought you were fucking with us!”

They had already drank three each in the first hour they were there. My boss immediately ordered me a Lime-a-Rita because I don’t drink beer and they didn’t have tequila. I drank it pretty quickly and one of my male coworkers got me another one. I finished that one too and we decided to walk to another part of the tailgate to watch the game (you couldn’t carry alcohol from section to section). As we walked to the patio, my boss stopped and got more money out of the ATM, and she bought a round of drinks, gettin me a diet coke with cherry vodka. I drank it quickly and another of my coworkers asked if I wanted another one. I said, “A Lime-a-Rita?” And they thought it was hilarious that I was already getting drunk (mind you, they were also drunk – I was on number four and they were on number seven). They got me another diet with vodka. From there, things started getting a bit fuzzy. I remember some girl asked me to take a picture of her and her friends and I did, then when I handed her phone back to her, one of us dropped it. She said it was her fault, I was too gone to know for sure. I ended up with another drink (I think Jenny bought that one) and before I knew it, the drink was gone and so was the first half.

Some funny things that happened, although I don’t remember the order;
My boss and other female coworker kept going to Panera next door to use the bathroom because they didn’t want to use the porta potties. I went towards the porta pots and one of the guys asked where I was going and I said, “I’m no princess, I can go here. ” When I came out, I had my phone in my hand and they asked what exactly I was doing in there. Really, I’d taken it out of my back pocket so it wouldn’t fall in – one of our former coworkers had lost her phone in the porta pot at the Memorial Tournament earlier this year.

At some point in time, I looked at my boss and said, “You went to OSU, right?” And she said yes. I looked at Jenny and said, “And you didnt?” She said no, so I looked at Nancy (my boss) and said, “Why are we friends with her again??” And Jenny said, “Because I’m getting you drunk, bitch!” I about died laughing.

Brian and I also photo bombed this woman’s pictures. She was in a wheelchair because she’d had reconstructive surgery on her ankle and everytime one of her friends would try to take pictures, we’d make goofy faces in the background. Finally, Brian went up to her and said, “How did it turn out?” And she said, “You’re in all of my pictures!” She hasn’t noticed before that.

So, second half, we found a table to sit down, which was much needed by this point. Nancy got me grapefruit juice with tequila and bought a round of beer for everybody else. Brian clinked his can with my cup and said “Drink up!” and I asked if he wanted to race. Jenny was like, “Don’t you race her!” But it was too late, I’d already started drinking and pretty much finished it in record time. Jenny was like, “Holy shit,” and I slammed my empty cup down on the table. I grabbed Brian’s can that he had set down and it was probably still 3/4 full. I was like, “You lose! And I’m cut off.” So Brian bought me a tequila sunrise, which I also drank, and Nancy bought some food, which I know I ate, but I really don’t remember anything about the second half of the game beyond that.

I had gotten a cowbell from one of the vendors earlier in the day and kept shaking it at Jenny, which drove her nuts. I put them over my head, because they were on spirit beads, and when we started walking to the cars, Brian grabbed my arm and took me to his. He said he was going to drive me to my car, so I followed. As I walked, the cowbells were jingling and he said, “Can you shut your boobs up?” to which I replied, “Sorry, these babies just don’t quit,” which is probably the most inappropriate thing that I said/did.

We all piled into Brian’s car and he took a long way back to my car because so many streets were blocked off. We were nearly there and traffic was at a dead stop, so I told them I was going to get out and walk the rest of the way to my car because it would have been too much of a hassle for them to get into the parking lot where I was parked. I hopped out of the car, walked to mine, and just sat there for a while until I felt I was okay to drive.

I got home and John was pissed that I had been drinking, but whatever. Then I went to my moms for the apple festival and ended up having a massive hangover and sunburn from my tailgating activities, but all in all it was a fabulous experience.

Monday I grabbed Jenny as soon as she got in the office and said, “Before Brian gets here and lies to me, did I embarrass myself on Saturday?” She said no and I said, “Good, because I don’t remember much about the second half except that Nancy got ribs for us.” Jenny said, “Oh yeah, she did. I forgot. ” So basically, if I embarrassed myself, everybody else was too drunk to remember it either. And we want to do it again.