6/10/2012

I wish I could just lock myself away from the world. I let things get to me more than they should. I don’t remember ever being this emotional before. Maybe it’s because I have kids now, or maybe it’s because I never had a reason to be this emotional about others before. For the third time since Sophia was born, I find myself crying over a child that I’ve never met, but I’ve come to be distraught over through their parents Facebook.

The first was Dante. He fought neuroblastoma bravely for over a year before passing away at the age of two. He shared a birthday with Sophia and I never thought before that day that I’d ever know a child who died. Even though I never Met him in person, I had met his mom through an ivillage expecting club and followed his battle through Facebook and other means. I cried such tears for him that I thought surely I must be crazy.

Last year, I cried again when poor Brayton passed away from complications relating to EA/TEF. We followed his journey for three long years, as he endured surgery after surgery. In the final weeks, I stayed up late during his last surgery, waiting for news that he’d made it through, and he did. But complications afterwards ultimately claimed his young life too. For a month afterward, whenever I’d think of him, it would be with sadness and tears. I never met him either, and again, I met his mom through ivillage.

And now, for the past several days, I’ve been crying for poor Lilly. She hasn’t passed yet, but it is likely only a matter of days. I went to school with her mother, although I don’t know if I ever met her. We have many mutual friends on Facebook, and after trying to ignore the posts for as long as I could, I finally read her story. Lilly is also fighting neuroblastoma. She was preparing to start a new treatment when earlier this week, she became violently ill. She was rushed to the hospital where her parents were told that she had entered organ failure and she would have, at most, a few weeks left to live. Just a few days earlier, they had been anticipating a treatment that would cure her. And so, for the past several days I’ve been crying for Lilly, and her two brothers that are about to lose their sister and I’m sure they don’t understand it, and her parents and family and friends. And I don’t even know this sweet little girl.

I wish I could lock myself away from the rest of the world, that I could put on blinders so I’m not so impacted by the trials and tragedies of others. I wish that I didn’t allow their losses to impact me so much. But mostly, I wish that these poor, sweet, innocent children would stop having to face things that nobody should have to face. I wish these poor children would stop losing their lives. I wish they would find a cure for this horrible disease. I just wish this world wasnt so hard.