Who Am I?

I suppose it’s time to do an introduction of sorts as to who the hell am I?

As I typed I should let it be known that I wonder what my voice sounds like to you, as you read my entries –

I like to consider myself an OG OD writer; I had my first online diary almost 23 years ago? Maybe longer than that – could I tell you the diary handle or e-mail – nope. I wish I could though; I’d love to re-read my old life, I wonder if it would bring comfort…..a false narrative of my reality.

So back to who I am…

I really don’t know. I know what I like, I know where I excel, but to truly know who I am – I don’t, and I don’t ever want to.  Why don’t I want to know who I am? Its simple; if I know who I am then I have no reason to learn more, I have no reason to grow and learn from mistakes, I have no reason to try new things, I have no reason to live. I would be settling.

I am a firm believer that life is precious, every second matters, every interaction is important and could be life changing. Most likely my fear of death and anxiety of leaving my children behind without being prepared….

I like writing. Am I a writer – by definition; yes. I put words onto paper and create a story.  I have also been interviewed and published in two magazines for my small business – so maybe that makes me legit. I don’t know. I just know that I love being able to put my thoughts into words. Words that are powerful.  Unfortunately for you the reader it means a few things: 1. I am long winded. I like to create a scene, I like to give you the full picture. I can be overly descriptive.  2. I talk like we’re dear friends; I want you to hear my voice when you read. 3. I write like I’m a professional with a following of millions who hang on every word I type. 4. I also think I am witty, funny, and enjoyable to read.

I like coffee.  Am I a coffee connoisseur – hell no. I get the same drink from Starbucks; Grande mocha frap in a venti with extra whip. I drink cream with a splash of coffee, aka: large coffee with 9 creams. I don’t get fancy. I like reliable. I like faithful. I like simplicity.

I like art. Am I an artist – yes. I am. I will take credit as an artist. My favorite mediums to work with are resin and wood burning. So why don’t I specialize and dedicate more time to these – because I am also my harshest critic and have never felt like they were good enough. I find every flaw.  So then how am I an artist? I create digital art and utilize it in a variety of mediums; tumblers, decals, apparel, keychains, etc.

I love music.  Music heals everything. I can find a playlist for when I’m sad, happy, broken, mad, etc.  There is a genre for every feeling.  I love getting lost into a good YouTube playlist. I get hooked on a few songs and they replay themselves 24:7 like a broken record. At the moment: Mixed Drinks About Feelings and I’m the Problem. I have a life playlist; preferably played at my funeral – because we all know you ain’t entering purgatory without some Salt n Peppa or Snoop leading the crip walk…..

Animals, specifically dogs have my everything. I own a german shepherd and she is my world. Literally she came into my world and saved me.  I was dying and ready to give up on life, but she needed walks, she needed caring for, and so did I. So she is quite literally my world. She’s also absolutely beautiful.

Now onto the generics;

Mom
Daughter 
Sister 
Friend 
Girlfriend 

With those being mentioned that’s pretty much what my writing will consist of.  Unfiltered because I feel like I have been “silenced” long enough. I hold secrets that hurt me to protect those I love. Because at the end of things, I “care what others think” of me and my family. I was raised to care about your reputation and how people view me. Quite honestly that mentality is exhausting. Its time consuming. I’m tired of being accountable for the actions of others.

Own your truths. 

⁑ DISCLAIMER ⁑
Remember: you are reading MY “perspective” of given events.  These writings are MY feelings; whether they are present tense – written in the moment, past tense – drafted during the day, or anticipated – futuristic.  All information provided is what I know from the information I have been given. As with any and every situation there are multiple sides to share the account. It is at the discretion of the reader to which side they favor.