Shower Confessions

Keep in mind these are thoughts that race through my mind when I’m alone, its quiet and I’m in the shower – hence – “Shower Confessions“.

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 Facebook Post Idea:
Someone convince me NOT to text the whore – I know I should let things go. But see I’m trying to deal and heal and when there are 5 stories and 3 people + me it gets to be confusing.  And see I’ve learned that cheaters do what’s called “trickling the truth”. Instead of revealing everything all at once, they trickle the truths out over time. What this does is unfortunately re-opens the wounds and I have to relive the events, over and over in my mind. Then a spider web of lies, betrayal, and confusion are created and I find myself seeking answers. Any sane person would go to their partner to inquire – trust me – I have tried. But in true narcissist fashion he “deleted their messages” (doubtful) and has directed me towards her. Thinking (knowing) that I won’t – or will I?

We are separated, do you know what that means? It means we are not together. I do not think that I am able to forgive you (at the moment – I hope I eventually can) and I am not able to forget. It means its time to go forward with separating and dividing our lives, going our separate ways. It means you are free to date/flirt/sext/hookup with whomever. Sex between us will literally be just sex; no strings attached, no weekly/monthly requirements or obligations. Literally a friends with benefits. I don’t owe you sex, you don’t owe me sex. I’m ready to be done.

It has become one sided. I know about your work, I know about your pool league, your family drama. You wanted me to make your team shirts, help you get a sponsorship. What do you know about me? My business, all of the struggles I have undergone since December. What is my best seller? What are my fears if TikTok gets banned. The hard, honest questions that financially affect us.  What am I working on that’s new. Emotionally where I am at. I’ve stopped sharing because I feel like for a year you used my own words against me. I share about the kids – its a mutual topic. But when do the words “How was your day at work” come out, just like asking “How were the kids” during spring break or when you’re away at pool tournaments. Never.

You said that when you and her would argue you would message her husband and he would calm the situation down, he would help you out, etc. You went to a mediator, a third party for relationship advice. When you needed to fix your relationship (that you claim you didn’t want) you sought help, you sought out advice. Did you do that with for us? Not how I see it; you lied and brought Rufus (our mutual friend name changed) into it and said he encouraged it and ultimately it was his idea. Then you brought Ralphie (another mutual friend name changed) along with you on your sexcapades. He wasn’t sending you back home, he wasn’t coming to me – nope he too held your secret. You didn’t offer counseling, you didn’t go to our best friend and ask her advice. No your future was with her – lies or not. The loyalty was not to us.

I hate you. 

Damn. Today has been an eye opener. My heart closed its doors and I’m ready to walk away. I’m ready to have the talk with you, I’m ready to say – “It’s over.” and now it’s time to move forward. I feel a relief but also tremendous fear about the legal future we face. I know this battle won’t be easy…

⁑ DISCLAIMER ⁑
Remember: you are reading MY “perspective” of given events.  These writings are MY feelings; whether they are present tense – written in the moment, past tense – drafted during the day, or anticipated – futuristic.  All information provided is what I know from the information I have been given. As with any and every situation there are multiple sides to share the account. It is at the discretion of the reader to which side they favor.