March 21, 2025

One month since the affair was exposed.

Until you are grieving you don’t realize just how long a month can feel.  I felt like I endured a year within a 30-31 day time frame.  There were days when I didn’t realize one had passed, sometimes the minutes turned into hours and I couldn’t tell you what I had been doing or done. It was exhausting.

One of the biggest things that I have learned is how much of myself I lost during the 1.5 year of trying to save my “marriage”.  I spent so much time trying to change to fit the other persons reality that I lost so much of my own. I began to believe all of the untruths.  I stopped doing things I enjoyed, I felt like I didn’t deserve joy – that if I was happy and living life for my benefit – GUILT.  So much guilt.

I have begun to do things for myself. Little things; manicures, taking baths, writing, enjoying pampering and healing myself.  I am taking time to heal before I make decisions. And I owe no explanations to anyone. I am not comfortable making an irrational decisions based off of emotions. I’ve reacted that way before – and I lost.

I’ve also noticed that the deafening silence that once existed is now peaceful.

⁑ DISCLAIMER ⁑
Remember: you are reading MY “perspective” of given events.  These writings are MY feelings; whether they are present tense – written in the moment, past tense – drafted during the day, or anticipated – futuristic.  All information provided is what I know from the information I have been given. As with any and every situation there are multiple sides to share the account. It is at the discretion of the reader to which side they favor.