Frozen in Time

Did you know there is science behind why we remember certain events? I first learned of this when I was watching “Someone Like You” (Ashley Judd: 2001).  She is meets with a plastic surgeon to discuss having her amygdala removed because she read that it controlled her olfactory sense to associate smell with her ex-boyfriend. While totally random – also not wrong.

Borrowed from a Google search (said to protect myself from plagiarism):

Why Certain Moments Stick in Your Memory:

Emotional Weight: The brain thrives on emotion. The amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for processing emotions, tags emotionally charged moments as significant, making them easier to recall.

Novelty: Your brain is wired to notice new and unique experiences. Novelty activates the brain’s reward center, ensuring those moments are stored for the long haul.

Repetition: self explanatory

Sensory Triggers: Smells, sounds, and sights can anchor a memory.

So now that we know this; its easier to understand why specific dates will never be void from our memory. It isn’t the fact that I don’t want to move on or that I am not trying to forget – its literally my own brain working against me – and 20 years; of course my world is filled with specific dates, instances, memories…..And of course social media won’t ever let you forget – each platform offers memories from at minimum 1 year prior. Like damn I didn’t want to know that I got drunk and fell in the front yard after 1 too many tequila sunrises.

Looking at the present I feel like every personal memory or special moment within the past 1.5 years was also shared with her. I can’t help it.  I think back to our daughters graduation – a day where our entire family was unified – you shared it with her. Football games where we sat as proud parents in the stands – you shared with her. The family camping reunion – you shared with her. I think the point gets redundant.

I am self conscious. I think back to all of the moments where I was vulnerable and bearing my soul to you. Fully knowing it was being shared, and mocked.  I second guess everything I say.  So many times I mentally tell myself – do not bring it up, do not speak on it. Know your truths, know your peace and seek comfort. But then – well – I can’t. I spew vomit and wish I could repent later. I beat myself up for oversharing – because the trust I had in you – nonexistent.

So when you see dates listed – I am not obsessive – I am not keeping score. I’m coping, I’m working through, I’m processing, I’m understanding.

I’m healing. 

⁑ DISCLAIMER ⁑
Remember: you are reading MY “perspective” of given events.  These writings are MY feelings; whether they are present tense – written in the moment, past tense – drafted during the day, or anticipated – futuristic.  All information provided is what I know from the information I have been given. As with any and every situation there are multiple sides to share the account. It is at the discretion of the reader to which side they favor.