Cyclone of Bullshit
Within 24 hours of your affair being exposed you “promised” me that you were 100% in it, that you were going to try and give 100% to our relationship. It was you that wanted to fix the relationship and stay together. It was you that wanted to stay together, forgive and “forget”. It was you that said you loved me – she was just a friends with benefits thing. It was you that said you were not going to look for anyone else, continue sexting until I moved out and left the house.
It’s been 37 days.
We are back to exactly where we were during the affair.
I do all the laundry, I do the dishes, I take out the trash, I sweep the house, I dust, I pick up pop cans and trash, I put things away, I care for our clutter, I grocery shop, I stay up and care for the kids when you pass out, I care for the kids while you watch TV oblivious to the house, I listen to you talk about your dad, waiting for you to ask me about mine.
Now I will get faulted for not seeing the small things:
*You text me the same or a similar message once a day “I hope you have a good day baby. I love you 
”. Additional conversations are scarce and revolve around you. Since knowing you always said I was complaining and bitching I seldomly engage – why should I?
*You bought me 2 candy bars for snacks from the gas station.
*You did 2 loads of your laundry – because I was refusing. I was doing it for spite.
*You shower for sure on Wednesday and then every couple of days – with my prompting. You complained that I didn’t have sex with you. Your exact words to her were “Baby momma is boring and vanilla“. Well – let’s speak on that shall we. YOU DO NOT SHOWER. Before the affair you would shower ONCE a week – Wednesday nights. Mind you let’s remind the readers what your career choice is: garage door installation – you are working with your hands daily, sweating…GROSS. I’m sorry but trying to be intimate with someone who smells like dirty balls and rotten ass is not on my list of romance. If you would wash your body and smell clean, nice, fresh you would 100% be touched, desired, wanted. Let’s also address how I’m “vanilla” – I can count on my hand the amount of times I have sexually done as you asked/wanted and YOU could not keep your dick hard. You couldn’t stay erect. That’s a YOU problem. And my heart knew you were cheating – why the fuck would I want to have sex and give myself to someone who was fucking a whore.
*You slowed down on drinking, but when you drink its a 6 pack+ and you’re drunk and its disgusting. You get handsy and feel like you can grope me whenever you please. Even though I have repeatedly said “I will not be physical or sexual with you when you’re drunk.” Because seriously you’re sloppy, rude, entitled and just gross when you’re drunk. Not to mention you can’t get hard or perform sexually when you’re drunk. Prior to your affair being exposed you were drunk 5 out of the 7 nights a week. You used EVERY excuse in the book to drink; pool league, grilling, cornhole, sports on TV, I made you angry – no the reality is you are an alcoholic.
You were the one who said you didn’t want to play games anymore. You were the one who said you wouldn’t wait for forever.
Notice how you had the demands? You had the wants. You had the requests. You had the “requirements” for our moving forward. Funny how your affair and your wrong doings deserve anything.
Sadly we are playing the same game. The hamster is back on its wheel. Only this time – I’m done. I was clear with you prior to your affair being exposed: I have nothing left to give to you. I am emotionally broken. Instead of hearing and respecting that you chose to abuse me and break me more. Now you want change. Well I don’t owe you change. I owe you nothing. I have made it clear we are separated. Because my heart and my gut know that you haven’t stopped. You are 100% still dabbling – I have no doubt about that.
I just want honesty. For you to have the balls to say “I am still looking because we are separated and you are unable to commit”. Period. But nope – you aren’t a man. You’re a coward who enjoys being “in charge” and manipulative.
⁑ DISCLAIMER ⁑
Remember: you are reading MY “perspective” of given events. These writings are MY feelings; whether they are present tense – written in the moment, past tense – drafted during the day, or anticipated – futuristic. All information provided is what I know from the information I have been given. As with any and every situation there are multiple sides to share the account. It is at the discretion of the reader to which side they favor.