A letter to the homewrecking Jezebel

To the woman who had an affair with my husband* 

I have gone back and forth for weeks now regarding addressing you and in what capacity would be best suited.  Since you have played victim, have lied, been vindictive, and are in need of validation of your role in this situation, I felt a letter would be best.  That way you can pull it out and reread it, and I hope it haunts you during your days and brings you nightmares in your dreams.

While a proper introduction should be had; as you only know me from his perspective and point of view – you don’t deserve to know me.

I plan to address a few things that you have made public and have been adamant about since revealing your infidelities.

I think you want a thank you for coming forward and exposing the affair. The problem with this is;  I knew that he was being unfaithful, in fact I assumed there was more than one.  You were just the one he was able to manipulate.  He was sloppy.  Finding out about you didn’t take much effort on my part – just time.  For months I had confided in close friends that I was just “waiting for the smoking gun” to confirm the affairs. You fell right into that and hand delivered it to me. So in a sense thank you for revealing yourself, as he was too embarrassed to admit to you.  But you didn’t “wake me up” to additional women or infidelities.

I think you want me to “join you” in hating him.  I think to be said loosely you wanted us to form a trauma bond friendship. Where together we take down the cheater, the liar, the one who hurt us.  You want some form of comrodority.  Just as I said to you in my TikTok: “the difference between a wife and a side chick is loyalty.” – now I think you misunderstood this.  I think you have taken it as I am loyal to him, I have forgiven him, he is not at fault.  I’m simply reminding you that husbands don’t leave their wives for the other woman. They beg for forgiveness. They say it won’t happen again. They say “she was just a friend – she meant nothing”.  A whole slew of bullshit.  Because they got caught.  I know he isn’t sorry deep down.  I am not as stupid as you believe me to be.  (I exposed your affair didn’t I – laid the bait…you fell – hook, line, and sinker) I know he is sorry that he lost you and me, and potentially everything else – as the ball is in my court. And only my court.

While you may feel bad, sad, mad, guilty fuck I don’t care what emotion – it does not make you the victim. Period.  The old saying “you made your bed now lie in it” fully applies here. You don’t get to drag me into a situation, bad mouth me, throw me under the bus, and belittle me when you got into a relationship with a “married” man as a married woman.  He was transparent with you. Sure he called me “baby momma” and trashed talked me – he wanted sex, he wanted sympathy, he wanted validation, he liked the attention.  But you knew I was living in the home. You knew that every night he was coming home to play husband and dad to a family we created 20 years ago.  So you don’t get to play dumb and act like you didn’t know how many people you were hurting. If anything be mad at yourself for the fact you got played. You were a weekend piece of ass. A hidden dirty secret.

To act as though you didn’t know – it disgusts me. You had my social media accounts and followed me.  On one platform you had THREE (confirmed) accounts that you secretly interacted with.  You watched my videos.  You heard my pain.  You KNEW I KNEW a whore existed.  But you continued to stay with him and believed his bullshit.  You have my address.  For why?  If he was honest with you and you carried no guilt then why did you stalk me – yes I’m calling you a stalker because its fucking weird. Why did you watch my social media accounts, save them, and then react to them?

While we’re on the subject of “whys”:

-Why does your husband claim that you just wanted to be honest and get it over with.  He claims it was one sided and that he pursued you for months and that you just wanted to be friends.

But…..when you decided to make text messages public; you included your POV, where YOU are begging and pleading about being together for the future and long term – but I was still in the picture.  So which is it – did you love him and have a future planned or did you want to end it? Or like him were you just lying? Because then you can’t be mad and play victim if you didn’t fall in love and decide to make a life…. Especially because your story doesn’t match your husbands, whom as you said knew….

-If your husband knew, friends knew, then why do I have YOUR “family” members messaging me asking me to not go public. To think of your family. To think of your kids. To respect your privacy. To make sure I don’t hurt your family. They are “innocent” in all of this. Let me ask you this: Were you thinking of MY kids, MY family when you were fucking him?

I can answer that for you. NO. You knew all about my kids. You had pictures of my kids. You made a life as a step mom to my kids. You fell in love with my kids. News flash: MY KIDS NEVER MET YOU NOR KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT YOU.  They also hate you. So any chance of a happy step parent relationship will never happen.  So fuck your family.

You talk about being “respectful”…… I’m just going to provide some examples of the respect you have shown and let it be judged for that.

1. You were FUCKING my husband knowing I was living in the house with our children
2. You wanted to come to MY home and confront him – just to cause a scene in front of my neighbors and children
3. When my 19 yo daughter texted you; you choose to engage and give her information that she did not need (Yes I will own that she got a SS with your number-I should have blacked it out. But in that moment I saw red)
4. You jeopardized his employment
5. You blasted text messages belittling me on TikTok
6. You asked that I NOT show your face on TikTok as though I owed you anything
7. You fucked in our family camper THE FAMILY HAD NOT EVEN USED IT.

While you were under the assumption he is a model dad – think about this – when he was putting effort and energy into creating a relationship with you, when he was fucking you, when he was sneaking around and hiding you, when he was bad talking me – who do you think was home taking care of his kids?  I can assume you know the answer.

Let me share with you my obligations within our household and then you can decide how his partner status should be rated 1 – 5.

•Laundry – I wash, dry, and occasionally fold it for everyone in the house. Usually 1 -2 loads a day.
•Dishes – I unload, load, and run the dishwasher daily. I hand wash dishes daily as well.
•Trash – I take the trash out to the cans – daily if not more
•Cleaning – I do it all from; sweeping, dusting, sanitizing, mopping, mowing, snow removal
•Groceries – I do the bulk shopping and organizing; he picks up items as needed
•Children – I do bedtime solo every night; reading books, tucking in, hugs and kisses, bath time
– I deal with all Dr appts and illness related issues
– I deal with all school concerns and homework/projects
– I take them on bike rides, walks, to the store, etc – I play with them

In addition to these I run a small business entirely on my own. I am sure you have been told lies about that as well. Thats OK – that is one area I do not need validation in. I know its worth and its value. I also know its intimidation.

So again, I will let you access his roles within the household.

Just know that for an entire year I was the punching bag.  I was the one who carried the blame.  A year of verbal abuse and accusations.  In part because he couldn’t take the heat of the affair; the lies – there was some guilt on his end. But it was easier to push the blame onto someone else – aka – ME.  Our children had to see him break my heart over and over again.  They had to hear their mother being berated, being manipulated, being belittled, dehumanized.  They had to hear my silent sobs.  They would ask “what time is dad coming home?” – and I lied, because I never knew if he was truly working or with a side chick. These are the same children you claim to love.

Countless nights I prayed for him to pass out so I could sneak away and cry.  Cry because I knew he was a piece of shit, cry because I knew I was better, cry because he didn’t deserve me, cry because the thought of him with someone else was devastating, cry because I thought I was crazy.

I was carrying the weight of the lies, the deception, the betrayal.

You are both responsible. EQUALLY. 

I have zero trust in anything and anyone now. In part to your social media trolling –

Now it’s my turn to be petty –

I hope these thoughts haunt you. I hope karma dry fucks you with a cactus.  I hope the dildo you use to fuck yourself and the world break inside of you and you need to explain to the ER nurses that you are a homewrecker and karma happened. I hope you wake up every day and step in dog shit or cat throw up and its cold and squishes between your toes.  I hope when you step in the shower you slip – but not fall. I hope you get coffee grounds in your coffee. May your ganja always be moldy. I hope you accidently swallow bong water.

I hope you wake up every day wondering if he was thinking about me when he was with you…
because I do.

You made the bed – you watered the grass – you wrecked a home – may you find peace with your lies and may the truths be freed.

*For the context of this entry I am referring to him as a husband. We have been together 20 years, living together as a husband and wife partnership.  Aside from the legal document we are married.

No disclaimer will be posted. A letter is 100% free flowing thoughts and feelings and needs zero justification or protections.