NoJoMo 8

So, I was really stuck for what to write today. I looked at the latest NoJoMo prompts and they are all so uninspiring…

Write about any collections you have. 

I don’t collect anything. Empty beer and wine bottle perhaps, but I get rid of them. But they do seem to almost collect themselves…

Write out your usual morning routine.

What? Who the hell wants to know my morning routine? It’s boring as hell. Wake up, brush teeth, have breakfast, leave. Oh, and get dressed I suppose.

What is your favourite holiday and why?

Ehhh, I enjoy all of my holidays, that’s kind of the point. I suppose going to Malaysia was probably the most fun, but I’m not in the mood to reminisce about holidays when it is freezing cold and dark.

Aha, here we go. Theme of the week.

What is your greatest fear?

My greatest fear is poo. I know right, pathetic.

But nevertheless, nothing terrifies me more. YES, I know everybody poops and all that, and it’s natural and normal and whatever bla bla bla. But is also, without a doubt, the most disgusting thing that ever existed. 

What’s crazy is that I’m even finding it difficult to talk about. It’s just so repulsive and awful. I’ve never and will never watch the human centipede. That is the ultimate in horror for me. Oh fuck, even thinking about it is making me shiver in fear.

I have a couple of other fears, though perhaps strong dislikes would be a better way to put it. 

The sea. Yes, it looks nice and all but that’s probably its only redeeming feature. It’s full of slimy wet slippery nasty creatures, NONE of which are in any way appealing (no, not even dolphins). It’s full of shit that hides in the sand, nasty lobsters that could totally pinch your toe off or something. And it’s so horribly deep. I mean, where the Titanic sank, isn’t it like 4 miles deep or something? Argh! And also there are places where sewage is pumped into the sea and that makes it doubly bad.

My other is peas. This is a really dumb one. I once had a dream that I was sat at the dinner table and my Dad picked up a pea and squished it between his fingers and two tadpoles slithered out. I never ate peas again. Y’know, just in case.

I remember one time, Steve said to me:

"What if, you fell in the deepest part of the sea, and it was full of peas and then a shark came and pooed next to you? Would that be the worst thing ever?"

Well, yes. Pretty much.

I suppose it would be worse if I fell into an entire sea of poo and then some lobsters came and pinched me and then those nasty little fish that eat dead skin started nibbling me and then I began to drown in the poo and all I could do to stay alive was eat peas which just happened to be there for some reason.

Yeah. That’s the worst thing ever.

I also fear death, for loved ones and myself, but that doesn’t really count, seeing as most people probably have that fear.

Seas, peas, poos and death. All repugnant.

XxX