NoJoMo 5

 Today feels like a sad day. It’s not anything that’s getting me down personally, but I’m one of those people that picks up other people’s emotions quite easily.

This morning I woke up and read a couple of new entries on OD in my bookmarks. Both entries were so sad, these people feeling lonely and isolated, insecure and vulnerable. I read them before I even got out of bed. I wish i could talk to these people in person, take them out for a drink, make them feel better about things, or at least attempt to.

I love helping people in any way I can, I love to talk through problems with people and help them find a way to cope with whatever they’re dealing with. I get the feeling I’m good at this, since everyone I do talk to is always so grateful for my advice. I’m not being big headed, it’s just nice to know that my advice does work a lot of the time.

When my sister was having a hard time, I wrote her a big bunch of letters about how she could try thinking in different ways to help her feel less awful day to day. And she says it worked, and that sometimes she still reads the letters. 

Reading those entries this morning made me feel awful. It makes me feel sad that everyone has hard times, and I wish I could be there for everyone, even if I can’t help, just offer support. But I find it’s hard to do that sincerely on the internet. Being in Belgium makes it difficult for me to even see people.

I suppose I also feel sad today because Mat’s working late, and I always go quite melancholy when I spend a day with my own thoughts. I’m one of those people who never ever stops thinking, and it can get overwhelming sometimes. It baffles me when I ask someone "What are you thinking?" and they say "Nothing." and they genuinely mean that they were just staring off into space for a minute, empty headed. My head is never empty. It’s so full of everything, thoughts, problems, facts, opinions, situations, imaginings and scenarios. When I’m alone, sometimes I will end up sitting on the sofa for an hour, just… thinking. 

I guess it’s good in a way that my thoughts alone can occupy a day, but sine they’re just my thoughts, they get so tedious. I just sit there on the sofa feeling irritated I have to listen to myself, and that I won’t shut up. My head just goes on and on and on and on. Much like this entry.

So, after I got out of bed, I rode my bike to the international magazine shop (it’s the only place I can find anything to read in English) and bought a couple of trashy magazines. I passed by the book store on the way back and bought a book I’ve been wanting for ages, Roald Dahl’s collected short stories. His writing for adults is wonderful, it usually has some sort of quirky twist or philosophy behind it that leaves you with something long after the story is over.

Then I rode down to the cafe outside my flat and had a groot onbijt, my favourite thing for breakfast. It translates as "big breakfast" and pretty much every cafe does a groot onbijt for 10 euros. It generally consists of a hot boiled egg, slices of ham and cheese, a basket of freshly baked bread, a croissant, various jams and spreads and a fresh orange juice and coffee. I LOVE these breakfasts so mcuh. Some places do a luxe onbijt that also has yoghurt and fruit and smoked salmon and champagne, but they’re a little overwhelming. The only time I ordered one of those was when I was super hungover and needed a food cure.

Sometimes I find it strange living in Belgium, I’m just walking down the street alone and I’m like "Ooooh, I live in Belgium now. How random and weird." And it is a bit. I can’t decide whether I prefer it here or in England.

Here in Antwerp, there are no chavs, and that is a major plus. You can walk down the streets day or night and never feel worried for your safety or threatened by gangs on the streets. Belgium also does wonderful food, their breakfasts, obviously, but also simple things like bread are taken much more seriously here. They don’t do any of that nasty slice Warbutons crap that turns to dough as soon as you squeeze it. All their bread is baked on site and you have to slice it yourself and it is always delicious. So, food and no scallies. Also the architecture here is beautiful, with little cobbled streets and grand churches and tiny pubs and bars with ye olde signs outside, traditional chocolate shops and terraces in the summer.

What I miss about England is also the food. I miss big greasy fry ups. I know they’re a terribly naughty breakfast but they just don’t exist over here. And roast dinners. They barely even know what gravy is in Belgium, never mind roast lamb with mint sauce and roast potatoes. Oh dear. I also miss little things like the free Metro newspaper, quite possibly the silliest news publication but the most fun for the letters section at the back. Commuters were pretty much the only ones that read it and the majority of the letters/texts would be from people saying "Stop painting your nails on the train – it stinks!" and then someone replies saying "Deal with the smell, my nails look fabulous." I think the letters section of the metro really epitomises the personality of the English – stuck up but silly.

I loved getting on the bus in the morning and being like "SCORE! A FRESH, NON-READ METRO!!" and picking one up off the stack smugly and sitting down to read as I rode to uni. Things I don’t miss about England include chavs, obviously, and the political situation at the moment. That whole palaver used to really do my head in, watching David Cameron fart about like a moomin, with Clegg lurking in the background, completely smug about getting into some sort of position of power by throwing away what his party stood for. But I’m not going to get into politics now. That’s most certainly for another day. Or never. 

Things that aren’t so great about Belgium is mainly the Belgian people as a whole. I’m not saying they’re ALL wankers, the odd one or two are perfectly lovely, but as a whole…. yeah they’re idiots. The way they drive is just shit, they basically act like they’re the only person on the road which is why there are so many car crashes here. Seriously, I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve almost been in a crash. And as we drive to work, you see shredded bits of tyres and broken glass littering the side of the motorway.

The Belgians love their rules, and they will stick to them so rigidly it borders on insanity. One of the things that really annoys the English and Italian people I work with, is that Belgians insist of leaving work every day at 5pm on the dot. It doesn’t matter if they’re in the middle of a meeting, or that work still needs doing, or anything like that. Once 5pm hits, they shut down completely and head for the door. Then they complain that there’s too much work to do. Even though they leave at 5 and take 2 hours for lunch. 

This attitude is even reflected in shop opening hours. I can’t remember exactly what it is, but there’s some law about not having to work on Sundays. Which means that EVERYTHING shuts. If you run out of food on a Sunday, tough luck, there’s never gonna be a supermarket open. And whenever anyone proposes allowing shops to open on Sundays if they wish to, the Belgians start these massive protests saying "DON’T TAKE A

WAY MY WEEKENDS!". For god’s sake! What about people who want/need to work on the weekends? The people who don’t make much money and could do with the extra hours? What about all the money businesses could make if they opened even for only a few hours on a Sunday. Ohhh no, the rule is no working on Sundays, let’s stick to the rules, we’re Belgian.

Sorry, but their attitude really sucks sometimes. But I do want to re-iterate that although it is a generalization, there are some lovely Belgians here who I’m friends with. But just like the British love to queue, the Belgians love rules (but annoyingly, not queueing).

Phew, anyway, I have a feeling this might have been rather a dull entry, so if you made it all the way down to here, then you get to imagine a whole stadium of applause, just for your patience.

XxX