Having a moan

Ok, so I just need to get this off my chest somewhere before I just blurt it out in front of them, and I have had no one to talk to today so it’s going in here!

*WHINGING AHEAD*

So, last Thursday, the girls invited me over to their house for a "girls night". The girls are:

Rose (started working at the building next to me a year ago, we went to the same uni)

Lucy (Rose’s housemate, a friend of hers from England that moved over recently on a whim)

Emma and Hollie (interns who work in the marketing department)

We all usually hang out together because we’re the same age and have similar job positions, etc. They’re really nice girls.

So, they invited me over but specified it was a girls night which was a bit weird. It was just a polite way of saying that Mat wasn’t invited, though I have no idea why… I started to get paranoid that Rose had got them all together because a couple of weeks beforehand I told her I was sort of getting depressed. Actually though, I told her that in a FB message, and she never replied. Which is weird. I mean, if someone confided in me that they were getting pretty down, I think I’d at least…. reply? Ugh anyway.

The evening was really enjoyable, Lucy cooked a delicious dinner for everyone and after we just sat round chatting. That was it. At the end of the night they invited me to some Halloween themed night THE NEXT EVENING. I hadn’t been so well that day, and I’d been planning to get a lot of chores and shopping done on the Saturday, so I made a sort of reluctant noise and told them why I probably wouldn’t come.They were all sad and disappointed as they ‘want to see me drunk’ and I ‘never come out’, etc etc. And its true, I don’t go out and get wasted often, but honestly, although I enjoy being all crazy and drunk, I can’t stand hangovers

I feel like I’m being young wrong sometimes, just because I’m not a party animal who must go out every single weekend. I feel like I’m 50 when I just think to myself I just enjoy sitting in quietly, chilling out and doing nothing. Anyway, so the girls always get really vocal about their disappointment about me not coming out and then Lucy said something that struck home, "We only want to spend time with you!!" 

Sadly enough, I was really touched. Mostly because no one says they want to spend time with me. I was surprised that… yeah, they just wanted me with them. I have such a low opinion of myself I’m always convinced no one wants me around, I’m just an added ugly annoyance bla bla BLA. So that resonated with me, and I said I hoped I would come out if I felt better.

The next day I was coming round to the idea of going out but was feeling even worse, so sick and dizzy, nasty stomach pains. I apologised that I wasn’t coming out and they went on about it again, because it does happen a lot that I bail out because I’m tired or feeling run down or whatever. But with what Lucy had said in mind, I sent them all a text proposing dinner the next night together. It was something I could get on board with, being food and all, it wasn’t too late and it involved everyone.

And…. no one texted back. All day. I mean, I understand that maybe they were hungover but they were all over facebook posting photos and stuff, but none of them managed to text back until 7pm, when it was too late to make any reservations any way, and they all turned me down. But suggested that maybe we do something the next day (Sunday).

Sure enough, Sunday rolls around and Emma sends me a text inviting me to IKEA.I’d spent so much money on shoppin ghte previous day, I said as much and said I really couldn’t be spending any more. She texts back "Coooooooommmmmeee!!!!" I ask her if Mat will fit in the car and she’s like "Erm, well Rose and Lucy are coming…" which was a very passive way of telling me that no, he wouldn’t. Then I say, well if we’re gonna have a completely full car (and their car is tiny) then there’s no way we’ll fit the bookcase I want to buy in on the way home. So Emma says "If that’s the case, we just throw that in the car and I’ll take the bus home! I’m sure someone will join me!!"

So at this point I figured, well, seeing as she’s not averse to uses, why don’t we all just take the bus to IKEA and get one of the van taxis to drive us back. The cost split between us will end up being practically nothing and it will mean we can all go, including Mat. It was Mat’s only day off in the week and so I wanted to make sure I spent time with him and that he wasn’t just sat by himself all day. I text this idea to Emma who is like "We’re taking the car…sorry…." And it’s like, WHAT THE FUCK GUYS?

Seriously. I am so annoyed that they invited me, pestered me when I said no, and then turned around to be completely unflexible. They left without us.I have friends in the UK who will hang out wherever, because it’s about spending time together.

So yeah, I’m really frustrated because they’re really the only friends I have out here. I feel rubbish for not being that into going out drinking but… ugh. I just don’t handle alcohol that well,I always have to write off the next day because the hangover is a killer.

I just needed to have a bit of a rant about this because there’s not really anyone I could moan about it to. So, there.

XxX