You look at me it’s like you hit me with lightning

I don’t know if it had to do with being insanely tired after working 13 hours or John being a complete dick to me but I was feeling insecure as fuck yesterday. Not to mention John was being rude on the Matt front as well. Asking me when I was moving in with him because "He’s going to fuck around and you’ll move there to stop it." Who says that to someone??

Meh. Anyhow…
I was texting Matt and my insecurities got the best of me…

Me: I feel like everything I want to text you sounds retarded. I think I’ve deleted this damn text 3 or 4 times now. I’m too afraid of saying something to make you think I’m off my rocker and scare you away. It’s ridiculous how much I want you to be a part of my life and we’ve only really started getting to know each other. You make me really happy and I wish I could see you more, but I get that I can’t and I’m OK with that. Sort of. lol. We both work so much we wouldn’t see each other even if we lived closer. It all still sucks though. I feel pathetic saying I miss you and it’s only been a day since I last saw you.

Matt: Sweets you don’t have to feel retarded chances are whatever it is you are wanting to say I’ve already thought but like you don’t want to say it. I already know you are off your rocker so no sweat there. But honestly I’ve meant what I said about missing you once we break our touch as I’m walking off. How I love staring into your eyes. How I love holding you close and feeling every muscle in your body relax. The smell of your skin, the silk of your touch…everything. I hug you with a feeling of longing knowing its gonna end far too soon. I’m crazy about you beautiful in case I haven’t been transparent enough. I never act like this never have, but in a month I’m dreaming of you, no your not naked…in all of them. I don’t know what my point is if I had on I’m just throwing this all out there. Its what I think about when I think of you.

Me: I don’t know that I had a point either… just thoughts running through my mind that for some reason felt the need to be heard. I think it’s just that this whole situation is scaring the crap out of me. My feelings for you are way too strong, way too fast and I’m waiting for the moment when you realize I’m not perfect like you think I am and run for the hills. lol.

Matt: Ok, I’ll humor you let’s say I do find out you arent as perfect as I think you are, ignoring the fact perfection is nothing more than opinion, what could you possibly show me that would scare me? You have a kid, oh wait already knew that and you have done a wonderful job with that little man. Ok what else, you snore…oh yeah me too much worse at that. You are loving…no thats in the good thing category. Your music…your choice in food…damn none of those either. Sure Brittany will learn to fly if the cd is found in my truck but hey no biggie you like…that style. The hills are a long ways away and you just cant motivate me to run that far. I like where I am. You may not think you are perfect, but I do. Perfect for me. So show me everything now or I’ll find you out down the road…either way I’m enjoying every second I share with you and I’ll continue to cherish them as they become our history.

And just like that every fear…every insecurity flew right out the window.
I refuse to let John try to screw this up with his bullshit.
I won’t allow him to place doubt in my mind and cause problems between Matt and I.

I’m falling for that man.
It’s crazy…but I can’t stop it. He’s everything I want in a guy. And he’s not fucking afraid of telling me how he feels.
I’m so happy when I’m around him.
And just thinking about him brings a smile to my face.
Wish he lived closer, but we’ll make it work.
It is only 2 hours after all.

Anyhow…
I worked another 13 hour day today and I’m exhausted.
So off to bed I go.
Laters.

So we burst into colors, colors and carousels,
Fall head first like paper planes in playground games

Next thing we’re touching
You look at me it’s like you hit me with lightning
Ahhh