Surprises.

It’s weird how I think I’ve gotten used to him and the way he treats me and then out of left field he does or says something that puts me to tears. Oddly, in a good way though. I swear. I’ve never had this kind of support before. I’ve never had someone there backing me 100%, loving me for who I am and telling me how proud I make them. Saturday, we started talking about our pasts and such. He went on for a good while about how much I inspire him. He told me over and over that my strength just amazes him, that by all rights I could pull the crazy card and be justified. That I could live my life in ruins and let drugs and other self destructive behaviours rule me. But I don’t, I chose to use the things that have hurt me, the people that have hurt me, and make that my fuel to move me to better things in life. I by all rights should be pretty fucked up in the head. Hell, I know I’m not 100% up there, but somehow I was able to get through my hell and come out on the other side still intact. I guess I don’t give myself enough credit sometimes. Ok, ever, really. I got a glimpse of how Matt truly views me and I think it scares me a little…like maybe I won’t live up to his vision of me. All I can do is my best.

Honestly if this ever ended it may just be the thing that does break me. Meh. I cant think like that though. Positive, Ashley. He’s my world. I’m just so grateful to have him be a part of my life.

Ok…well I suppose I shou ld actually go do some work.
Laters.

P.s. I told my sister no on the moving in front. In case anyone was the slightest bit curious.