Rant

Feeling the need to rant – not that it will help anything at all, but maybe it’ll make me feel better to scream into the void a little.

I’ve been going to online school for a while now, I started shortly after Sam’s death in an attempt to keep myself busy. Surprise, surprise I didn’t do very well. I started working on a degree for Business Administration to get a promotion and thought it would help if there was some goal attached to it. About a year after starting the degree program I got the promotion I was working towards and I fell behind even more in the program simply because there was no extra push to get it completed. The goal was achieved without the degree so why bother?

Well, my depression got worse, my GPA continued to fall, I failed courses and wasted money and just in general had zero interest in completing courses. In an attempt to save the money I have already dumped into college I decided to switch majors in December. I changed my major to Mathematics with a concentration in applied mathematics. Do I have any plan at all for this degree in the future? Nope. Having a plan didn’t help me stick to it last time, so I figured I’d go with something I might enjoy at least.

Made it through Pre-calc with a C, but to be honest I just didn’t submit any discussion posts which murdered my grade, because I just hate them. Calculus 1 started last week and I logged in today to continue working on 2 assignments I was in the middle of to find the professor has force published them. Granted the due date was midnight last night, but I can submit up to 1 week late with a 10% penalty. Needless to say I’m a little pissed because even if he grants me access to re-complete the assignments I will have to start from scratch on them.

I’m on medication now for my depression, who knows if it will actually help at all, but I’m trying to do the right things. I’m trying to focus on my health and do better in this degree program, but I swear it’s one step forward and 62 back. I don’t have a ton of time to dedicate to school and being set back at the beginning of week 2 when I was already slightly behind set me off the rails.

Ugh. Whatever – now I have to get ready for practice. Writing didn’t help so let’s channel the rage into hitting people.