I’ll follow you into the light.

Stupid conflicting emotions. 
I have no clue what the fuck I’m feeling right now.
Don’t worry…things with Matt are still perfect.
It’s not that.
I don’t know.
I’m being weird today.
I feel like I’m having an anxiety attack and I have NO FUCKING CLUE WHY!!

My stomach is in knots and for some reason I have this sense of dread overwhelming me.

Meh.
I think I know why.
My subconscious is for whatever reason dredging up the Jonathan shit.

*Sigh*
I slept with Matt last night.
Like…Whatever…you know what I mean.
It was…ah-mazing.
Not weird and awkward like with Jonathan.
I think I’m automatically fearing he’ll lose interest now.
I’m afraid he’ll just disappear like Jonathan did.
Fuck.
Why do I do this to myself?
Over analyzing Ashley….please just stop. You’re ruining my weekend.

I’m afraid.
I really like him.
And I’m now analyzing things. I’m making a point to not text him a lot today because I don’t want to seem clingy all of a sudden just because we had sex.
Meh.
Hate myself sometimes. Hate how my mind works.
Hate that this is making me a tad bit crazy.

On top of that my kid is driving me absolutely nuts today.
Not sure why, but he’s just getting under my skin.

Already irritable, add three year old and shake vigorously and you get an Ashley that is down right in a bad mood.

I can’t even think about how great last night was because I’m busy worrying.

 

 

***TMI warning***
 

Him: "I’m trying to respect you…"
Me: "Well could you stop respecting me and just fuck me already!"

I might have been a tad vulgar last night, but so was he. Kind of liked it. Never had a guy that tried so hard to be sweet and gentle, but with a bit of encouragement was easily able to be a little rougher around the edges. Hair pulling, biting…Yum. Don’t get me wrong…I like it nice and sweet…but the other stuff does it for me too. Maybe more so. And for whatever odd fucking reason it makes me smile when I remember at one point he called me a little bitch. I think I have issues. Lmao… It was after I pulled his hair, pretty roughly, and bit him. He kind of growled at me… Haha. 

***End TMI, lol.***

 

My poor roommate…I think we kept her awake.
*Shrugs* Oh well. lol. She’ll live.
 

And this morning we were going for round two when….Duh, duh, duh….my kid walks in on us.
*Facepalm*
We were under the covers and he’s only 3 so he didn’t know what we were doing, but that kind of kills the mood. lol.
Maybe next time I should remember to lock my door.

There was also a point where Matt mumbled/growled, "mine" during sex. lol.

Woke up this morning with him kissing me. It was a lovely thing. =)

Thinking about last night is putting me a better mood. Haha. I’m remembering the little things about it all and it’s just making me realize I’m being idiotic.

After Sam walked in on us…
Matt: "Darn…after all that time it took me to get your clothes off again."
Me: "Haha, yeah…Next time you can just rip them off."
Matt: "Hmm…I’ll have to remember that for next time, and the next time, and the next time…"

My mind is jumping all over the place. Writing this down as I’m thinking of it all. Haha..

Meh. Bruises. I am now sporting three new ones. Two I’m not quite sure how I got, the other is painful. It was from him lying on me, his boney ass hip was pressed into my thigh. I was distracted and apparently didn’t realize it was hurting until it was too late. All day it’s been sore as fuck and it hurts to even walk. *Sadface*

I got ballsy last night and wore a skirt out drinking. Lol.
We know how my nights sometimes end, but I made sure I did not get drunk. Just buzzed enough to feel good.
No bending over porch railings spewing my guts.

I got hit on quite a lot before I met up with Matt. Boosted my ego a tad. lol.

Guess I’m going out again tonight.
Will be the last time for a while. 
Aubrey is moving out this week so I can’t just leave once she gets home and the kid is asleep.
*shrugs*
I need a break anyways.
Going to go play pool with Theresa. Should be fun even though I’m horrible at it.

Anywho…I’m now in a better mood thanks to writing this entry.
I’m going to finish cleaning. 
Give my kid a bath.
Do some laundry.
Then read and relax until Aubrey gets home so I can go out. =)

Oh, SIDENOTE: Forgot that I decided what I want my next tattoo to be of. I can’t have the ones on my wrists because of work so I want a Celtic tree on my side. I’m still working on figuring out the exact design but I love it! And Matt wants to go with me to get it done. (Why does that make me so happy? It’s ridiculous how much I like that he wants to be part of that.)

Agh! Ok stopping now. LATERS!

 

 

And if you say we’ll be alright
I’m gonna trust you, babe
I’m gonna look in your eyes
And if you say we’ll be alright
I’ll follow you into the light