oddest feeling

having another sleepless night…
…I couldn’t shake this
feeling I had once before…

I was having dinner alone but I ended up talking with a woman there. About half way done, she was joined with two other people she knew. After dinner, I’d join them and went walking down the boulevard. At one point someone asked let’s do something different. Let’s go somewhere we having been to yet. I said I knew of a place and there we went.

It wasn’t too far from where we were so we walked up to this unmarked building and entered. We went through the small lobby and stopped before a double door. To the side it had a sign that said “Only enter if you know the rule.” Everyone except me said out loud, “What rule?” Since I came here before, I said “You can’t enter unless you sing or play a song.” It sounded like Adventures of Baby Sitting only it’s “You can’t leave unless you sing the blues.” So once I said that, everyone had this scared blank look on their faces but bravely we went on.

Jae & Samantha, the other two that joined us earlier decided on a duet of some sort. They requested me to play the piano and I’d gladly accepted. The name of the ivories of the piano there was unknown but those are always the best kind. Always. I have nothing wrong with the modern ones which are nice and all but the old ones you get more of that genuine feeling to it. Kind of like the feeling you get on a wooden roller coaster that a modern steel one that can’t replicate. That’s just the way it was made.

Before we started I played a few keys and they were off. Seconds later I don’t know what possess me to open the piano cover but I adjusted what needed to be adjusted. I played a note and the stage literally resonated. I knew without a doubt it was right. Then they began their duet of some sort.

I remember…

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try?
I know I’m gonna to fall down

Those were part of the lyrics to the song they sang. They sang like old souls who knew each other in former lifetimes.
They matched.
They balance each other…yet they weren’t together together.

Sam, short for Samantha, was this older woman in our group. She reminded me of someone who tends to over-protect everyone without that person knowing she’s protecting them. She tends to hover too but not to a point it’s bothersome. In our short time together, I believe she’s the friendliest person in the world in the manner how she talks and expresses herself. She also has a very strong head on her shoulders too but what I like the most about her is that she can take a joke without taking it totally seriously and not be offended by it. It’s the expression on her face that I’ll never forget. It made me burst out laughing when I assumed she heard some of things I’ve purposely said out loud. I knew where she was but she didn’t know I was coming in her direction to the restroom. It was a look that almost made me hide in corner and hope for the best. If only I had a Polaroid camera…

Her counterpart was Jae. I believe he’s Sam’s boss. He’s the typical business guy and always thinking of opportunities that could represent it self. He’s always on the move, thinking time is money, and money circling around his mind. He sees the world with dollar signs. For that itself, I tend to keep a distance with business minded people only because I’m more in the analytical side and behind the scenes type of guy. But in our short time together I found out hard to believe he was once a junior high school teacher no less presently a hot-shot producer of some kind. Somehow we only talked about stuff that serious guys seriously talk about. Seriously. They were things that tend to be so simple yet there are the difficult things that “men” don’t necessarily say ourselves or to other people especially among women we’re close to. In a way, I trust him like my older brother. One time, the other girls walked in our conversation and we immediately went silent with a slight blend of guilt and humorous expressions on our faces. They tried to make us fess up of whatever we were talking about but we never did. What we’d talked will only remain between us. To fess up was to break the “code.” That code will never be broken. But in stride, we’d just high-fived each other to give them some kind idea what we were talking about even though we didn’t let on of what we’d talked about. He’s in a sense a true brother in the beginning and to the end.

Then there’s Liz.

She struck me as the “Je ne sais quoi” moment. I literally couldn’t put a finger why I was entranced by her. I thought of her as someone I could easily talk too and she would respond back that literally blew my mind. She’s witty. She’s smart. She’s more intelligent than me by a large margin, like to the nth degree. I don’t think I would be worthy enough to be her nemesis.

She knows what she wants to do in her life. I believe she’s one of the lucky ones to know early enough in her youth what she desires and wants. As for my youth, I blame that on myself. It was spent on things that are so trivial now but I will always be reminded of that. In some form or another I still don’t know what I want in life no less what to do in my life. It’s age that’s creeping on me. I can’t escape it. It’s the Matrix I want to be unplugged from.

But all in all in our brief time together, she’s going to be large than life. She’s already is and she’s tasting only the beginning of it. And although I know I won’t be part of her life like I wanted it to, so I hope one day I would be able at least witness it in my lifetime.

Later, it was her turn. She said she trusted me to pick a song for her so I had feeling without a doubt what I would play for her. It was one of the very few select songs I know pretty well. I would normally play it by myself but that’s just. I rarely play for anyone but tonight was different. I played one of my old time favorites. When I first heard the beginning of this song in my lost youth, I simply had to learn it.

So I began to play. She sang like if she wrote it herself. She’s far too young to know this song.

I remember…

highway run
into the midnight sun
wheels go round and round
you’re on my mind

These were part of the lyrics that echoed throughout my mind, throughout that night.

Afterwards, there was no applause and no audience. Only a feeling that you did something that you wouldn’t normally do by yourself or without someone else.

Eventually out of curiosity, they asked what I’d played when I first came here.

The very first time I came here I played in a trio. The two other people, who were complete strangers, were just like them before we met. All we wanted to do that night was to get inside so on we played. I played the part that began in the music score called Phascination Phase. They were surprised. I actually played a guitar. Go figure. So I’d just shrugged it off and said in a neutral tone…“What?”

Then we were granted access.

We’ve gotten access to a room I wanted the guys to go see. Just like the first time, the lights turned on one at a time. When the last lights turn on, there were a total of six light beams that focused on this piece of art. From what I’m told, this art tookcouple decades to finish and only the locals knew about. It was something I couldn’t help look at. It was abstract yet distinct meshed into one. My mind was going in sixth gear to find out what it meant, what it represented, and more importantly why it is here…away from the public. There was no real answer. However, like most common pieces of art, the opinion is up to the eye of the beholder. The creator is real the genius behind this. It’s an art that supposed to jump start and wake up people’s hidden creative mind. In a way, it always begs the question, “is it the artist that makes the art or the art creating the artist?”. You don’t even have to answer it. Just know that it exists and it will survive the trial of time…forever.

Liz’s probably the only real reason why I wanted to show everybody this place. When I get lost at certain times in my life, more often than I’ll ever admit, this is the place I find myself at. This is my sanctuary. I’ve selfishly kept it to myself this whole time and wanted to share it with someone until now. It was her.

She sat at one of the benches next to it staring for the longest time. It was at that moment I wanted to read her mind but I don’t think I would’ve anyway. To intrude someone’s thoughts…is to invade someone’s life. I don’t think that’s me in the slightest.

It felt like days when we decided to call it a night. As we left we had to go through a long corridor with a stretch of elegant dark red carpet that looked like it came from the Glory of some kind of Empire…somewhere. It was accompanied with series of small mundane lights with intense yellow diamond shaped eyes. At the end was a double door. As we approached, it opened up like an elevator. The interior was aligned with pure white walls with one circle button with an up arrow. It lit up as I pushed the button. Then there was a slight bump giving us a sign that we were moving and going up. Seconds later, the elevator slowly came to a halt. I’d sort of expected a ding sound when we reached our floor but it didn’t. To our surprise, the doors opened and we can see one the streets we were walking on earlier. It looked like we were miles away where we were first started. It was unreal.

We then filed out and I was the last to exit.
As I walked out, I’d noticed that everyone was looking up to the sky.
It was snowing…
…gently snowing on the boulevard like an early winter’s night.

I chuckled when everyone else was spinning around in the snow like kids…
…all I could to do was look at them
and observed them one at a time…
…first Samantha, then Jae and lastly Liz
it gave me the warmest feeling I haven’t felt in a long time…
then I found myself spinning around like they were…
…running carelessly like the first time I’ve seen snow when I was seven.

So when I stopped and tried to gather my balance moments after…
…I looked around and that’s when my heart sunk
what were found were only traces of footprints were stamped on the snow fabricated ground…
…then it hit me
they were all…
…gone

…all what was left was me in the stranded night
like acquaintances that we meet afterwards…
…and to never
never…
…meet again
in their life as if I was only a spectator…

…so I find it trivial how you try to comprehend certain things
no matter how in-directly you come in contact with…
…and how it affects you this way
especially in one way streets of life…
…where we’ve never actually met
in a distant dream ago…