for once…
perspective writing exercise one time ago (version 2 point something, there were several
)
them cowards.
they finally killed me
and scott
i mean
dad
is blaming himself for it.
what everybody doesnt know, including emma, is that they really targeted mom. it was just a ploy to get dad and logan away from me. standard tactics. nothing more, nothing less. and that’s the way it should’ve happened.
professor didnt have to read my mind to know what should really happen before my passing. my future self waited hours before his life-like hologram to say something but the way he was looking through the huge window in his office, i’m sure he’s counting down the very second when we could finally talk about it. his sad eyes gave him away but since then, i didnt say a word.
this failure, or in this case, a success did haunt everyone so their thoughts hold true especially dad. being fallible is what makes us…human after all.
they knew the strong ties mom had with both dad and logan. they were right in which they concentrated on mom instead of me. everyone knew i could take care of myself. dad knew it without question because i proved it time and time again no matter how reckless ive been or become. logan knew it because his instincts hold like the way of the warrior or even of the assassin. i myself knew it but somehow someone still got me in the end. no matter how ive tried to avoid it, i had to let it go. and that’s the way it should be.
i failed for being so…cocky. guys like me wait to strike. it was just a coin toss in who will pull the trigger first. a funny thing though i thought i would go out with some kind of extraordinary fashion. truly in my profession, all it takes is one blow, one hit, then youre out like a light. but thats ok i can respect that from a true uncanny enemy. i wouldve done the honors unto them.
for once, i feel my time frame from the future coming back full circle. my true anger is not with dad nor with anyone else but with me.
dad. mom. my parents. it had to be this way.
i failed to protect them.
the day of the funeral was evidently strange. watching my own funeral surely did a number on my stomach. i admit letting loose and praying to the porcelain god moments afterward. even the best would taste of the weak that would often do.
when id finally gathered myself, i saw that they stood before me and saw me lying there.
i was at war since the first day i met them from the future. im lying there knowing that this suppose to happen and i couldn’t tell anyone. at least not at that time.
you would think everyone could come together and be united when the mutant civil war was over for quite some time I was sure of it because our mutual enemies turned our confrontation down to a minimum it looked like they were hurting too but i digress
but that cant be, they’re cursed for being human. cursed for being a mutant. the ugly side of human nature will always be there.
i would close my eyes and i could feel at whole for the mistakes i’ve made in which in turn they made, too.
i saw myself lying there wishing this shouldn’t happen but it had to.
for once, everybodys eyes were on someone who would ultimately bring them together. in defense for my dad and as a leader, split second decisions are made first then explanations. decisions whether good or bad can always be explained later whether you can understand or not. i know, its harsh but true.
though its not entirely my dad’s fault though. i’m sure of that i’m partly at fault, too.
the way everyone looked at scott was unfair and justly deserved at the same time. the looks from them pierced through him knowing his leadership was now hanging by a thread. it sure felt like being second best and being beaten by the worse. i bet it twisted and burned like no other and everyone was taking his or her turn twisting it.
peter, the towering man of steel, didnt say a word since he carried me to the infirmary. he sat with me for like an hour. i would’ve done the same my friend. too bad later on, only you celebrated my passing. i’m sure the quiet ones on the outside are the ones who are the loudest inside. i respect you, especially your privacy, comrade.
bobby on the other hand, like the reserved young man he was and still is, finally had something to say. he held nothing back. he didnt have to worry about the consequences at the same time either. he did the opposite of what normally we expected from him. good for you bobby. maybe next time you won’t bottle it up and let it fester. also it didnt matter if you pushed it to the limit although it tip-toed the boundaries of being subordinate. i knew dad wasnt able to do anything about it. it was like watching a hundred foot wave coming directly towards someone and feeling it was meant for only that person and more to the point to him. he didnt really do anything but to think of it, he did flinch once. a visible sign of weakness perhaps? i dont really know. finally a few hours before my funeral i saw a young boy standing up like a man and worthy to be on my team. ill remember that now.
i wasnt surprised the way mom handled it and confronted scott. she threw him against the wall three times, one of them he actually went through it. but again i think she held back because dad was able to walk away.
as for logan, the craziest mother-frak on this earth, unleashed his adamantium claws and gave of what wouldve been a fatal blow to dad and like mom, he held back by retracting his claws before impact. the blow left him in a daze catching his breath. mercy or pity. i dont know which. i cant read minds.
orora, kurt, and mccoy did their best to console dad. but even their words were held back as if they lost their trust for him and they were the veterans among them. just maybe, i thought they didn’t know what to say or do. I wouldve guess if you lost your trust for someone, you surely be numb to even sympathize for that person. deep down, the excuse for being human seemed like no excuse at all. on second thought, its probably worse.
however this was my funeral…
and for once, everything that should’ve happened, happened. the time line has come full circle. my future had to die in their present but only it appeared that way especially through their eyes.
for once
i
cable
ended the previous bad year
and started the new year
anew
i am
i am ready to be reborn again