Ready to Write

It took me 45 years to realize that my mother was crazy and jealous of me…

The oldest memories I have of my mother, I was maybe two or three and she was saying that I was ugly and seemingly enjoying making me cry hysterically.

I remember her words hurt so bad because I loved her so much.

I would say “but I’m not ugly” and she would ask “have you looked in a mirror lately?” Which would crush me!!

Eventually my brother joined in and also began to tell me I was ugly.

Later, I would go and look in the mirror and I would see what I thought was a cute little girl. Red hair with pigtails, green eyes and freckles.

But because my mother kept insisting that I was ugly unfortunately, very early on  I developed body dysmorphia.

I just felt like what I saw in the mirror couldn’t be trusted because my mother and brother were telling me otherwise.