Another Year Away from the Beginning of it all

So, where to start?  I had surgery August 31.  Apparently, because I have lost weight in the year, or because I coughed, they really don’t know, but my surgery did not "take" and I had to have surgery again on Oct 14.  Then I got bronchitis.  Mixed into that was the anniversary of my sister’s death in September.  It was the first one.  I had no idea that losing someone so close could make the anniversary of their death so traumatic.  I should have known.  I have a friend who has lost multiple people close and has a very hard time during those times of the year but I just didn’t get it.   There are some things in life you cannot empathize with no matter how hard you try until you experience them – or somewhat similar situations – though I do not believe anyone can ever truly understand how anyone else feels because we all have our own pasts with varied events and moments that have molded us into who we are and we all are looking at the world from our individual filters.  

Thankfully for me, the second surgery went well.  I feel better physically, and can finally say that I am feeling better mentally and emotionally, at least some of the time.

Death really sucks and losing someone that is supposed to live longer than you because you held them when they were a baby is just unnatural and wrong.  I do have hope for the future and have faith there will be a time things are better but this year has been the most challenging ever, and I thought the hardest parts were already over.  I know these kinds of things are supposed to make us stronger, and maybe eventually I will get there, but for now I am just pushing myself through each day as it comes.  I know this will probably come across as sad and depressing but it is honest and where I am today, at this moment in time.