Argument

I woke up with a boner this morning.

More accurately, a boner woke me up this morning:

“Wake up, Udder!”

“Ungggggg…” I mumbled. “What are you doing here? What do you want?”

“Stroke me!”

“Jesus Christ! You want that again? Already?”

“C’mon! Get with the program,” it nudged at me. “Think about you and B on that sandbar,” as it swelled with another surge of blood.

“You’re just full of piss.” I replied. “I could shrivel you up real fast.”

“Then get up… or put up!” it swelled again. “Imagine a threesome with Rachel Welch and Heather Locklear.”

“I’m imagining all the trouble you’ve gotten me into all these years.”

“C’mon! Stroke me. Make me believe I’m in a hot, wet pussy. Pleeeeeease!!!!!”

“Nnnnooooooo!!”

“If I was in a real pussy, you wouldn’t have any trouble shoving me in and out,” it pulsed.

“None at all.”

“Dammit, you old fart! I doubt if you could catch a blind sheep or a three legged goat.”

“Not this morning. Besides, I have morals. Nectar would quit noting me, too.”

It quivered back, “You ungrateful son-of-a-bitch. I’m the only thing that’s motivated you all these years.”

“You’re the only thing that motivates anyone. Ask Freud.”

“Heyyyyy! Aren’t we buddies? Haven’t we gone through everything together? Just lay one of your fingers on me. Pleeease!!!”

“Oh, Sheeeesh! Then I can get back to sleep. Right?”

“Absolutely.”

So I slid a hand under my shorts and rested my index finger on Woody. In the silence that followed I was sure I could get back to sleep.

“Move it up a little, please.”

Not wanting to argue any more, I complied.

“MMMmmmmmm… Now move it back down, below where we started.”

“That’s it! I’m getting up. Piss you away. Make some coffee.”

“Maybe later? Be careful walking through the doorways.”

“Yea. I know.”

woman in the moon

March 29, 2012

Those are nettles in your background. You know that?

Nectar

uggg leave me out of your gropes…

ryn: hahahaha yeah for sure- poor Julian! but having said that Kristian really is good. Not at education just SPORT! xx

I was going to say something about you thinking of me at that moment but thought better of it… hahaahaha

ryn:pffft I read everything you write except for the USA stuff I have no idea about. and I find your writings humorous,but cannot help but make comment of your uncouth ways. we all do that except we keep it under wraps- no pun intended xxx

Ainetheon

March 30, 2012

LOL! Cold shower and carbolic soap …. after you’ve had the piss. LOL….. still laughing (reminded me of a rather risque poem [about that same male problem] I wrote years ago and my daughters read it on my then poetry website – I had a lot of explaining to do!). Have a good day. Best wishes, A