The Wanderer, Worst Fears Lived!

“The Wanderer”

 

Hey All,

I think you would all agree with me, especially the parents, that there is one single fear we all carry in regards to children; “losing them”. I am not referring to them suddenly deciding to go live somewhere else, I mean when they wander off and you LOSE THEM!

 

I am a strict Dad, hard in the way I ride the kids till they do what is right. I am in no way cruel, more so I just annoy them so much by repeating myself that they eventually see things my way. They get grounded if they ignore the rules of the house, and I take key things from them until they show respect for the value of the toy or item. When it comes to school work I am tough, and they know it too. Morgan recently was doing so well that I decided not to hound him, I figured that his love for homework, and his incredible ability to learn meant that I should let him take responsibility. I really believed that he would do the right thing, NOPE! When Ani and I came back from Sydney, her mother told me that she found about a months worth of homework in his bag, un-started.

 

So, you know what happened, I made him sit down for the whole weekend and do the lot, all the while his mates were waiting outside riding their bikes and having fun. It worked, and that’s what I mean by being hard. By the same token, if you stifle a child and disallow them to BE children, they will hate you. Boys are a little different I am finding to raise than girls. I have to admit, I kept the girls very close to me, was reluctant to let them run around the neighborhood for fear of something happening. When it comes to Morgan and Jack, I allow them to be free like I was growing up. It would be safe to say that when I was a kid, my mother never saw me from morning to night! I would get up, grab my bike and take off early, and would only return in time for dinner that night. I had the most amazing childhood! My mates and I were never bored, and that’s a term I will not allow the boys/girls to use in this house. There is ALLWAYS something to do, and if the sun is shining, get your asses out in it and live! I was never really mischievous though, so Mum never had to worry about me getting into trouble, my two boys are a little to an extent, but if you let that worry you you’d go nuts!

 

Something happens though when you treat your kids like little adults, you tend to forget just how young they are. Jack in reality is only five years old, still a baby, yet to watch him kick his footy, and pull tricks on his bike, makes you overlook that. His speech is advanced, his reading wonderful, and his cleaning habits amazing, so I give him the same consideration as his brother, be home before dark. I know where all his mates live, and I know where he rides his bike to and from. He always calls in home for an icy pole or a drink, and he ALLWAYS comes home before dark. The other night though, he didn’t!

 

I had to keep asking myself over and again, “did he come home while I wasn’t looking?” Because of daylight saving, it is still light at nine pm, and it wasn’t till Morgie said “Dad when are we gonna have dinner” that I suddenly realized it was 8.30 pm and Jack wasn’t home! Now I didn’t panic (straight away), I just told Morgan to jump on his bike and go to his mate’s house and tell him to get his ass home. At that point I was ready to tann his but for breaking the rule, but when Morg turned up without him I suddenly went cold inside and felt my heart begin to race. I reckon it went dark out side in a second, because while I was standing on the street calling out his name I nearly got hit by a passing car! To add fuel to my rising panic, I couldn’t reach Anika. She was out on a work function and I must have called her twenty times and left messages escalating from “please call me” to “JACKS MISSING, GET YOUR FUCKING ASS HOME NOW, I NEED THE CAR”!!! The poor woman copped the brunt of all my fears, thankfully though she saw how bad the situation was and knew I was only acting out of frustration.

 

Where she was she couldn’t answer the phone, but when the opportunity arose, and she saw all the missed calls, she KNEW there was something VERY WRONG. I called all her friends, trying to get another number so I could contact her, so by this stage I had involved EVERYBODY and sparked fear amongst them all. By the time she called me, Morgan and I were riding our bikes all over the neighborhood calling out his name. She was upset now, crying as hard as I was, and all the lights of the houses were turning on!

 

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style=”mso-bidi-font-style: normal”>Two ten year old boys were riding out the front of our house, and I remembered seeing Jack with them earlier in the day. When I questioned them, they told me that Jack had followed them to the skate park, about fifteen minutes away, and that it was the last time they had seen him. I went off my brain! I screamed at them, lectured them right there in the middle of the street for being so irresponsible for leaving a five year old boy behind that late at night! Then I thought, no I AM IRRISPONSIBLE!!!!! HOW COULD I LET THIS HAPPEN!!!! I was standing there in front of two kids screaming “Where is my fucking son”!!! By this stage it was 10.30pm! I felt like my heart was going to explode through my chest and the tears were STREAMING off my face! Absolute panic was now in FULL force and I have never felt so helpless in my life!

 

I took off down the street with poor Morgan pedaling his little heart out calling out for me to slow down L We were about halfway to the skate park when Ani called me, the police had Jack and were bringing him home! I didn’t even register as to the severity of the situation at that point; I just collapsed in a heap with joy! To fill you in, and so you understand how this happened, Ani has a VERY volatile ex. He has spent much of the last four-five years in prison on extreme stalking charges, and as a consequence the police have all hers and the boys’ details on line. If 000 (911) is called from either her mobile or the house phone, no words need to be spoken, the police will be here in minutes.

 

As it turned out, Jack WAS at the skate park, and he was huddled by a tree in the dark crying his little eyes out, terrified because he didn’t know how to get home. He had no shoes on, and only a singlet and shorts, and the night air was cool. A woman passing by walking her dog found him sitting there! He was able to give her his name, and once she called the police and advised them, they called Ani immediately. By the time I got back to the house I looked like death warmed up! I hadn’t showered yet after work and my face was dirty with lines down it where the tears had been. My eyes were bloodshot and puffy and I must have looked like shit when the cops turned up in the driveway! All I could think of was how scared he must have been, and how upset he was going to be. I knew he was probably thinking he was in BIG trouble, but chastising him was the furthest from my mind! As the car pulled up, I could hear him! Real deep gasping cries, the kind to have when you can’t breath. In the dark of the night I could make out his face, his eyes looked like ping pong balls!

 

I ripped the door open and dragged him out, and as you can imagine, that had the effect of starting him all over again with the tears! He was cold and his face and eyes were red with stress. I squeezed him so tight that I nearly suffocated the poor boy! Both the officers were wonderful, I couldn’t remember Ani’s number, my number, the boy’s birthdays, Ani’s birthday, nothing! What a pathetic mess! I don’t remember if I have ever been that stressed before, the fear I went through was like NOTHING I have experienced. I had a very little taste of what parents who lose their children feel. The helplessness is excruciating, and the self abuse unending!

 

We have even STRICTER rules in place now, however I think it scared him just as bad too. He knows what could have happened, and as he says, “My bed feels so nicer”. Guys, many of you don’t have children, for those of you who can’t; you have family pets who are your children. Imagine all your fears coming to life if you lost them! For those of you who read that and thought “Kids aren’t dogs or cats”, remember that to some, that dog IS their child. The moral of the story, if it is appropriate to say that, is that our children, the future of our families, the very images of our own lives and success, and are IRRIPLACABLE! Guard them with your lives, and never lose sight of where they are because it only takes one lapse in attention, one moment of irresponsibility and they are gone! Fortunately this story has a happy ending, but it scares the fuck out of me to think how close it came to going very, very bad.

 

I Love You Guys!

Luke xoxoxo