Krystelle is Moving to Canberra!!!!!!!

She-Mates and Mates from all over!

Just when I thought I had given you all the best goss a guy could deliver, I now bring you some news that has left me shaking with anticipation! If you read the title of the entry, you would have by now worked out what I am referring to. Krystie is moving to Canberra!!!!!

Each and every time we talk, she manages to throw the line in there somewhere “So Daddy, when can I come live with you”? I’ll be honest; I was very much against separating the girls, or even taking one or the other from Carol, simply because of the fretting situation. I KNOW Tabetha would miss Krystelle, and I KNOW Carol would find life without both the girls together difficult. Still though, Ani and I discussed the options, and both agreed that if it were possible we could not only afford it, but that it would benefit Krystie in more ways than one.

I guess the prospect of a new baby on the horizon had a lot to do with Krystelle wanting it this time, she says that she wants to be here when it all happens, but really it was just another excuse for her to mention it in a conversation. She’s a sly one my girl lol! So this time I put it right back on her, I told her I was going to speak to her mother about it, and if all went well she could move down. She near on sent me deaf with the scream! I couldn’t shut her up and then I thought “Fuck, what if Carol says no”. I let it all go for a day and the following night made the call that had me shaking before dialing. I was nervous, not about Carol blasting my ear off, but for her emotions regarding losing her eldest. You see, I have never lost that part of my love for Carol. We never went through the ugly nasty stages of separation and divorce, property settlement and custody; we respected each other enough to work it all out ourselves. To this day we talk about all issues of the girl’s future, and although I may be a two hour flight away and a whole other state, Carol NEVER leaves me in the dark. I love her very much for giving us two wonderful daughters, and for being the one responsible for bringing them up. It doesn’t matter how much money a man sends his ex for maintenance, nothing can replace the daily hands on raring that a parent MUST have to assume the title of Mother or Father.

Some will say that I am being hard on myself, that I am a good father. Yes, I am a good father in the respect that I have a vested interest in the lives of the children I have given life to, but I am not there in the flesh, and the realistic maximum I can assume, is that I have respect from my ex wife for always maintaining contact. I have lost much in the way of seeing my girls grow, hearing them laugh at silly things and dancing to music. I have missed the parent teacher meetings and attending Krystelle’s awards night for mathematics and English. I haven’t been there to watch Tabby blow out her candles on her birthday, or to see her slide headfirst down the sand banks on a piece of cardboard only to swallow half the sand in the process. More importantly I have not been there to cuddle them in front of the TV or wipe the tears when they fall. No, Carol was there to see all those things, I heard about them on the phone. Its times like these that you become aware of the consequences of your actions, but also the ramifications of what I was about to suggest. That’s the reason I was shaking, how was Carol going to take this?

I got the distinct feeling that she knew it was coming, mothers intuition I guess, but non-the less the outcome was the same. We agreed that the experience would be wonderful for Krystelle, that spending these growing, maturing years would enhance her look on life, but the whole time I could hear her voice breaking. She never did like to cry in front of me, and though I might have been on the other end of the phone, I have spent enough years with that woman to know the sound of her suppressed tears. Ani had gone to bed to give me the opportunity to talk the whole thing out with Carol, and I’m glad she did, because I certainly wouldn’t have wanted her to see me cry too. I hate it, I hate to see or hear a woman cry, especially when it is my words that have caused it, good or bad.

I think we must have talked for about two hours, discussing how to move her things down, enrolling her in a new school here, and me assuring Carol I would pay close attention to her studies. She agreed, even suggested that she would have to let child support know that things were changing. As of the New Year, Krystelle will be living here in Canberra with Ani, the boys and I. I was so excited that she agreed that I broke down on the phone, I miss those girls so much that if I was to think about them as much as I don’t allow myself to, and I would be an emotional wreck. I hope you understand what I mean when I say that. I have learnt to remove those thoughts to an extent during my every day, simply because it makes me weepy to procrastinate on it. I will be driving up to Sydney around the New Year to pick both girls up and then after a week, drive Tabby back up and say bye bye.

The next night I made the call that left me

gutted as a father, I called Tabetha to tell her the news. I made Krystelle and Carol promise me that they would not say anything till I had talked to Tabby, and they both agreed. The Mini Monk was as strong as an ox on the phone, her tiny voice never changed and she just answered me in little “Yes Daddy” responses. I explained it the best way I could, but she is still a baby in my eyes, and as a baby how do you tell her that you are taking her sister away, how do you justify to a child who loves and adores you, that her sister will get to see me every day, and she wont. Like the true little hero to me that she is, she just said “Hey, I can still come down on holidays cant I daddy”! All she cared about was that she would still be able to come and stay, and that she would get to see the baby as often as she could.

Guys, there are some things in life that turn a man to jelly, and that happened to me that night. I thank god that Anika was not there to see me, because I sobbed like a child. Have you ever been so upset that you simply can not stop the tears? That emotion has punched me in the mouth more times in the last two years than I care to remember. When I spoke to her the next night she said that she was a little bit sad and that she would miss Krystelle, but she was ok with it all. I don’t call her the Mini Monk for nothing; she’s wiser than I give her credit for!

Tonight I am calling Carol and the girls in relation to information regarding Krystelle’s schooling and starting the New Year here. It’s positive news and it shows Carol that things are progressing in a good way. Oh, and the baby logg will be tomorrow, I figured that this new info was more important, and to tell the truth, I was busting at the seams to get it to you all. Hey Guys! Have I told you yet? KRYSTELLE IS COMING TO LIVE WITH ME!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ll let you all know more as time progresses, but how can I relate how much this means to me? I guess by saying that sometimes we have to go through so much to reach a point of happiness. In all facets of life, there are things that can change every thing, and if we are lucky, it will change for the better.

I Love You Guys!

Luke xoxoxo!

Ps: All the pics in the last entry were "thumbnails" if you go back and click on them they will blow up to full size 😛 That for you "T" Luff Luff! xoxo