Get Ready to Laugh!!!!

Helloooooo Beautiful Ones!

I think I should firstly indicate that there is one thing about Australians, males in perticular, that pretty much sets us aside from the rest of the world. In the face of tradgedy, pain, loss and sickness, we make light of the situation. We are renowned to make jokes about things that others would cry over, but we do it for a very good reason. It helps in the healing process, and allows you to act on the job at hand, as apose to falling in a heap in misery. Kind of dis-associating yourself if you will.

Ok, I can hear you all saying "what the fuck are you talking about". Well, I HAD to say all that, because this story has a dark sad side, but it simply opens itself up to typical Aussie humour! On my way to work today, the boys on the breakfast show, "Scottie and Nig", told of a rather unfortunate incident occuring in Texas. The story went that a Texan man was severely constipated, had’nt ummmm……. lets just say "passed anything in a while". His wife, a nurse at the local hospital, decided that an enama was the source of healing, and that she was going to be the one to "administer" the healing "juice".

HOWEVER! And this is where it gets horrible, she learned in nursing school, that a little alcohole aids in the "movement" of the blockage. So, in all her devine wisdom, she filled the "insertion device" with sherry! As is the practice (I’m guessing), she ummmm, squeezed the whole lot up the poor blokes date and waited for the job to be done. Ok, I’m no doctor or naturapath, I guess if the woman I loved (did I mention she was a nurse), told me this would work, I’d do it to feel relief right? Oh dear, well I guess the theory was good, but unfortunatly for our Texan dude, the practice had a devastating effect!

Lets cut to the chase! It is safe to inform you, that HE DIED! A very short time later, the reason?! Alcohole poisoning! It went straight into his bloodstream, giving the poor bastard an alcohole reading of something like 20.0%!!!!! What we all love to take in our top end, just is’nt meant to go in the bottom end! The booze does’nt have time to go through our gigestive system, it’s like injecting it directly into our bloodstream, ONLY WORSE! So, you can see the dark sad side of this, but surely you can see why the typical Aussie male just ran with the punch lines!

The topic after the ground breaking story, was the names of drinks involving alcohole and ummmmm BUMS! There are few things that cause me to pull the car up and stop on the side of the road. One is a flat tyre, two is running out of fuel, three might be a hail storm, but four is the fact I am laughing so fuckin hard that not only my jaw wants to claw it’s way off my head, but the tears running out of my eyes are a breach of ACT water restrictions!!!!!!! OMFG! I tried to remember them all, scrambling for a piece of paper and a pen found me forgetting them as I tried to breath! Heres a list that I managed to jot down, it’s only a few, but I think you will get the gist of what this is all about.

Guys, it’s not making a mokery of the unfortunate situation that occured, loss of human life is a tradgedy any way you look at it, no matter HOW you go, but this is the outcome of a funny situation turned bad! Below are the anologies of a bottom, and the alcoholic dring that (by name) can be associated with it!

1. Southern Discomfort!

2. Pina Colonic!

3. Bum and Coke!

4. Scotch enema Dry!

5. Black Pussion!

6. Butt Weiser!

7. Gin and Colonic!

8. Bacardi Squeezer!

9. Savenion Bog!

10. ChamPain!

11. White Flussion!

C’mon guys! If you can think of any others, PLEASE leave em in a note! Fuck! Someone give me a tissue!!!!!!! LMMFAO!!!!!!!

OHhhhhh, I love you guys!

Luke xoxoxo