so christmas was fun…

ya… i got a lot of new things and it was good and stuff… hanging out with family is fun too… actually… upset that i couldn’t get friends to come with… c’est la vie… twins party was amazing and phenominal all at the same time… and started all this drama that didn’t need to be started at all… start at the bbeginning shall we? party, i invite shelli, roo and co. get psycho and are like “don’t go there”, i promise to mkae sure nothing happens to  her and nothing does. alan calls her and says that he’s not coming back up which i will be calling him as soon as this entry is done… she’s upset and disappears into darrell’s room for hours, and i disappeared into there too… and spent the entire time trying to make her feel better which i did i think… (did i?) then she went home. spent the last couple of hours smoking a shitload of shit and feeling good… next day, erica talks to athena and tells her that i with shelli in room for hours and that we were hanging all over each other… which was true… but not in a bad way… anyways… thea calls shelli and “stay the fuck away from my boyfriend” then i guess shelli calls alan, alan calls thea, thea saysshe’s the only one who wasn’t at the twins apartment, alan calls  twins, and as far as i know everyconversation went a little something like this… “drama drama drama, drama drama. drama drama drama drama drama, drama drama drama.” so it all comes back to me and i’m like “well that was blown way out of proportion” me no dealy. that is the basic jist of what happened… i’f i’m wrong about anything feel free to tell me… yesterday went to the movies with aneliya, darrell and athena… Finding Neverland… diner afterwards.. talked to athena things are different then they were.. she still hasn’t talked to her fathere nor does she know if she can do it… asnd even though i told myself that i would break up with her if she didn’t i couldn’t bring myself to do it… so i’ve just changed it to i’m not going to hang out with her family any more… tehy don’t like me, fine, i’m not putting myself i a position where i have to be constantly reminded of that… she asked me if i have feeling s for shelli… because she really is pissed that i was hanfging all over her … my answer was yes… kinda… she asked me that if i invited shelli over for new years and not her, would anything happen… i said no… because i could never be a good enought person for shelli… i do care verey deeply about shelli… but it’s kinda like that guy from love actually that loved kiera knightley but couldn’t do anything about because she was married to his best friend… i care for her… andd i am happy being her friend and i hope at some point that i could be one of her best friends… but i’m willing to be just teh friend if that’s all i can be… plus… like i said before… i’m not good enough for her.. i’m a totally bad person and she isn’t in anyway ythat i can see…. and i’d feel terrible if i ever changed her like that… g2g… peace.

Josh