Open (self-centered) Apology for the Future

so last entry i talked about moving to florida… well that officially is no longer happening because i was uninvited because christie doesn’t want to look for more than a 3 bedroom apartment and she’d prefer i guess to live with mock and fyrk… bitch. so back to have no place to live at all that sucks. hardcore. well, if don can live out of his car for a little while, then i can do it for a little while. and i officailly would also like to state that women suck… and are the current cause of most of my anger issues… on that note, cue 30 minute conversataion with athena… and back again… i guess it was a littel closer to 45 minhutes, but whatever. i think it’s about time that we stop this charade folks and bring in some realism to the situation… and it’s my fault for actually talking to these people so no need for pity or comments about stupidity, i know exactly how stupid i have been… things are building to a point. pressure is rising and i’m going to explode at someone. now the really dick part about it is that the reason i am going to explode is because things i expect ddin’t turn out the way i wanted them to and poeple aren’t doing things or acting the way i want them to… and that’s not fair of me… but i don’t care, and before anyone else gets indignant and starts saying stupid shit like i’m an asshole and other things, guess what, you do it too.
anger is the by product of life situations not turning out the way you want them to… now, you might not be conscious of trying to make things happen your way, but i’ve come to the conclusion that as a species, humans want very much to be in control of everything around them, and on a subconcious level they try to make life and reality and all the crap of the universe try and work to their plan and what they want… i’ve taken it a step further and put concious effort into taking control of everyone and everything in my life… i use people to get what i want, and if i can find no use for you, then i have no use for you. funny note actually, i’m listening to a song called circle of lies and one of the lines is "i might see you as a means to an end" which is true… now, again before you get angry at the prospect that i only wnat to be your friends so i can get something from you, more often than not the only thing i want is the friendship which wraps itself up nicely and that’s the end of that.
but there are some of you that i want more from and i use and manipulate you to get what i want. it is getting to the point though where i don’t tihnk i can keep up with or want to control or need to control any of these people anymore and being put in situations where i have to dela wiith them is slowly but steadily building up a sense of jesus christ i’m getting trapped… and hence my need to bust the fuck outta here and go somewhere. more to the point though, the ones i am using for something other than just friendship, you will take the brunt of my explosion and be dropped. i can’t really bring myself to be sorry for that nor do i feel that i will regret my actions once they are done. the most i can do is wish you the best of luck when i drop, hope you don’t break, and if you do you know how to put yourself back together again, wihtout me. because chances are, i won’t care that much.
to sum up… i’m an asshole and i am the center of my own little universe and i don’t expect others to abide by my rules cuz it’s not logical, but that doesn’t mean i won’t get angry when they dont. nor does it mena that i’ll take a step back and cahnge the way i act because i don’t want to. i understand what the consequences for my actions are going to be so i don’t need them pointed out, but any type of comment whatsoever, negative or posotive would be great for my overly-inflated ego. i usually don’t care what a lot of people say, just as long as you’re talking to me. well that’s the end of that. i’m going to work.