Open Letter to Everyone.

 Hey. How you all doin’? Now, I know that most of you don’t read this, so I’m going to just put this out there for my own peace of mind. It’ll make me feel better. I’ve found that just getting things out there generally does make me feel better, even if the outcome isn’t exactly what I want or expect. For instance, I admitted something to someone I care deeply for, in the hopes that, well, her having gone through the same things with me, would understand and appreciate it; and more to the point understand me enough to know that admitting anything emotional is a really BIG FUCKING DEAL. Well, I got none of that, so I lose. But I do on the other hand feel TONS better just being able to say it. So, on that note, I win. Her response didn’t matter nearly as much to me as it would have years ago. So, there we go. Now for the rest of you. I generally hate CT, and everyone knows that. The list of people in CT that I can deal with and stomach on a regular basis is slim, at best. I’d make a list, but why waste time. I can easily spread that to the East Coast in general, but that’d be pretty presumptuous of me to think i know EVERYONE  on the east coast. I’ll limit it to CT, NY, and PA. 🙂 You know who you are. Anyways, I’d like to point out that I generally treat everyone the same, no exceptions. And it’s the truth. I’m not one for changing my attitude based on who I’m hanging out with. At least, not anymore. I’ve given up on that because I got sick and tired of trying to make everyone else happy. I think that figuring out who I am and holding to that was the best decision I ever made, and I’m sure there are a number of you that would disagree, or plain just don’t like the way I treat you. My one and only thing to say to all of you is, and I quote, "Get The Fuck Over It." You are not special. You do not deserve better treatment. As far as I’m concerned, just because you’re as much a friend as everyone else I know, doesn’t mean I should look at you as a paragon of friendship. In fact, every time I do take that risk, or feel like I’ve taken the risk, said paragon has done something or another to fuck me over. So, I’m again going to say, why waste my time. I’m not treating any of you like shit, I’m not being overly dickish, or insulting to anyone in particular, unless I hate you, which I can only say about a few people. Everyone else, you are getting the same old charming me that I have always been. If you don’t like it, get over it. I don’t have to change for you. You on the other hand can accept me as what I am, or just choose not to consider me a friend. I promise, I won’t lose any sleep over it. I do ask though that if you do choose to not look at me or treat me as a friend, tell me, flat out, that you don’t like me or don’t want to associate with me. That’d be greatly appreciated, thanks. 

Now, I’m finding that I can generally split people in my life into one of three groups. 2 of these groups, I kinda have a problem with, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t good groups. Group 1 is the people that accept me the way I am and treat me no better than any of their other friends. I’m another person they enjoy having around for all my quirks and mannerisms, and we all get along fine. Everyone in that group, and there is a vast majority of you, are fine. Love you all, and nothing should ever change. In fact if you’re reading this, and you can’t think of any problems we have with each other, or can’t see yourself in either of the other groups based on how I describe this, you’re prolly in this one, and when are you coming out here to visit?
Group 2 are the people that care about me, more than I care about them. Small group. Smaller now that I’ve gotten more friends. Thank you for caring about me. Truthfully, one hundred percent, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. But you’re love and friendship and devotion are not the ones that I’ve asked for, so please, just drop it, and treat me no better than the people in group 1, or the way i treat you. I won’t ever be happy with what I have, because I never had to work for it. I’m sorry, I’m a dick, I get it, but it’s the truth.
Group 3, which is another small group, are the people I care for more than I probably should. This is smaller than Group 2, in fact. I can think of only 2 people in this group. And you both know who you are. 1 of you might read this, the other one, I can almost guarantee won’t. Doesn’t make too much of a difference though. So, why the hell am I apparently not good enough for either of you? I’ve done everything I possibly could to be everything you could possibly want, based on what you’ve said you’d like, and yet, I’m still not good enough. Now, if I were an angry person, I’d get pissed and rip into you both about how unfairly you’re treating me, but I’m doing the same to some others because they aren’t making me happy, and I’ve learned that cutting people out of my life for not treating me the way I want is really a crap way to live. I might not be happy with the way things currently are, but I appreciate having what I do have with you, and I don’t want to throw that away on something like this, so. But that doesn’t mean I’m ever going to stop trying. Because I most likely will keep trying until either I find someone better, or die. Just letting you know. Ok, I’m done. Thanks for listening.