Ever the fan of pragmatism, I.

 Every now and then, it pays to discover.

Reading the past like an old book printed on tissue paper, left in a box in the attic all winter. As fragile as those pages seem, my past is anything but. I am anything but. I am not your butt. I was right about a lot of things, and I was wrong about a couple of others, but either way I’m still here so I both win and lose. Win, in the sense that I am still here, still writing, and still occasionally kicking major ass at the karma game. Lose, in that I’m still here, I was right in saying never trust a friend to stay a friend, and the more I get involved with anything that I feel comfortable in, the bigger the crash when it inevitably falls apart. There are a number of people that I’ve been talking to, or sleeping with, or trying not to sleep with in some instances, or trying to sleep with in some others. People are all dumb, they are all stupid, and they are all in some way or another completely lax in the idea that everything you want in life comes with a price, including friendship. But, these things aren’t scratch and win lottery tickets, they aren’t even scratch and smell stickers, because we al know that a scratch and sniff sticker does bring us some joy. There is no win for life with a lot of things. Once you’ve put the work in to get the girl, or the car, or the friends, or the house, or the job, or pretty much anything else that you are probably taking for granted at this point, be prepared to continue to sacrifice for it, be prepared to continue to work, and be ready for the feeling that you still don’t have enough.

Human nature is a volatile substance, and left on it’s own, it will devour itself like a cancer. 

You do not deserve the newest thing that was just introduced to you and how dare you feel cheated because the button doesn’t work. It is now a brand new life, and a brand new moment, and at the end of that moment, so many things have happened that make you look so goddamned insignificant by comparison, that you should be thankful that anyone around you took time to notice at all. How can any of us say we have truly lived when more often than not we are buying the pre-packaged life deal that everyone wants at discount prices from your favorite corner store? NEVER BE CONTENT! Contents of box are liable to explode if handled improperly. Run from your corner store, throw that pre packaged deal to the floor, and sprint, jump, climb, crawl, swim, fly, walk, saunter, strut, and move yourself through life and the world in a way that makes sense to you. Pick up the pieces of detritus kicked to the curb, enjoy it, and pack it in with the rest of your shit, because honestly, it’s the small stuff that should be sweated. Even when the small stuff isn’t yours to sweat. But while you’re doing all of that, be wary of the bimbo boxes parked on every corner. You never know when some two-bit, blonde haired, barbie doll MILF in a minivan doing 65 on a resident street with her baby in her lap and the chihuahua in the handbag strapped in the passenger seat, trying to apply her mascara is going to totally miss that stop sign and bear down on you like a cliche in a bad action movie. Clive Owen is still busy spouting a terrible one liner, Bruce Willis is stuck in New Jersey, and we pray for him constantly, Arnold to busy holding California above the water, and Sylvester is wondering why his balls have shrunk back into his stomach as the steroid bottles keep piling up behind him. If you haven’t guessed it yet, you’re the comic relief in this film, but someone forgot to tell the director it was an action DRAMA and your way over budget. 

Slowly losing sight of what is important enough to continue ranting about.

I am, you are, we are, and forever will be winners, and losers, and sometimes zombies scrambling after the last of the survivors. And yes, a shotgun is the best zombie repellent known to man, but for that nice homegrown American feeling of nostalgia, why don’t you pick up a Louisville Slugger? It never runs out of ammo, and at the end of the day, everyone can feel a little like Jose Conseco. Or Barry Bonds, for you non Latino’s out there. I don’t know any white guy that actually does well at sports. Sorry crackers. Oreo wins again, but at least Ritz came in a close second. 

Family fails.

I’ve already stated that you must keep working for everything. And that is the truth. I failed to mention that your work is yours and yours alone and how dare you ask for someone to help. Help is reserved for those that don’t need it because they’re working harder than you, and if you are lucky enough to get something from someone, I would suggest you check the fine print, haggle the price down, and then go somewhere else because the product they’re selling is not the one that actually does anything for you. The system broke a long time ago, and instead of fixing it, we just made ourselves comfortable in the cracks. Can’t do much about that right now, can we? Getting out of the crack is not nearly as easy as we would like to think, but a good kick in the pants should do the trick. Who wants to be the example? I firmly enjoy not being kicked in the pants, so without further ado, THE NOSE GOES! You lose, I win. Now you got kicked and I didn’t. You win, I lose. You’re no longer slumming it with the rest of us, and I’m still here. Too lazy to do the work without the help that is for lack of a better term useless. I want out, without the kick. I know, I’m selfish. But how can you call it help when you offer something that someone doesn’t want? How can I say no when it’s the only thing that was offered? Because I still have my choice, and I’m still that selfish. 

In the end, it doesn’t really matter. 

So, long story short, I have things that are close, but aren’t exactly what I want. What I want isn’t out of reach, it’s just far enough to make me daydream more about it than actually do anything about getting it. And, I’m counting on only myself to be able to make it to the end of the movie. Zombies and all. Got my bat all primed and ready.