Quicksand

 The wedding is in 17 days!! Almost all of the details are taken care of, so now it’s just a matter of time passing. Oh, and the whole packing up all of my belongings so that I can move to California. I haven’t been able to motivate myself to begin that yet. The wedding seems real, but the move seems like something that is happening to someone else. I should really stop procrastinating, or I will be a total headcase the week leading up to the wedding. Actually, I have been a headcase all summer. My life is in such a state of transition and I am not sure how to cope with it.

 How does one prepare for a life that is going to be 100% different from the one they have been living? I am going from being single to being married. Living in St. Louis to living in Orange County. Teaching fourth grade to doing who knows what? There will be no sense of normalcy for me after the wedding. Everything will be new. This does not bode well for someone who hates change.

 I wish I had been more diligent in working out the last few months, I did the usual cardio, but I really should have been toning with weights and stuff. I am trying to convince myself that I can get toned in 17 days……overly optmistic, I know.

I miss teaching desperately. I wish I had a classroom to decorate, or lesson plans to write. At the same time, I know I couldn’t really handle that with all of the other stuff going on.

Has anyone ever been at a stage in life where they can actually feel themselves changing? I know that sounds weird, but it’s almost like I feel my personality maturing a little bit. I have a different outlook on things. It’s kind of strange, but not in a bad way.

I cannot wait to move out of the apartment I have with Amber. I feel like she resents me for the fact that I am getting married. From the start she never made an effort to get to know Will. There has always been an awkward tension about them that I can’t figure out. I want to talk to her about the wedding (heck, I will talk to anyone who will listen!), but she seems so disinterested. Oh well. Kind of sucks that she is a bridesmaid, but there was no way I could really avoid asking her….she is my roommmate afterall. There was a time when we had so much fun together….just have to remember that.

Alright….time to workout…….

Have a great night faves!