I should have taken a personal day….
I stayed up with Will way too late last night, and I am paying the price this morning. I am SO tired…..the temptation to pretend I am sick and ask for a sub is almost overwhelming. Oh well–I don’t want to waste a personal day when I might actually need one later (We get ten a year, isn’t that awesome?!).
My favorite movie is Father of the Bride, but I only own in on VHS. Last night Will gave me the DVD of the movie that he had bought for me! 
Last night was a little wierd for us, and I am not exactly sure why. I am crazy about him. I like him so much more than I have liked any guy in a long time (I don’t know if I ever even felt this way about Jeremy). Here’s my problem—I can’t enjoy it because I am freaking out worrying about when it’s gonna end. I keep thinking he’s all of the sudden going to realize that he doesn’t like me and will break up with me. It’s having a negative impact on us because I feel like I am always insecure and wondering about what he is feeling (even though his actions and words constantly reassure me that he likes me). I feel horrible about it because I want to be able to enjoy the relationship, but I am constantly fearing that it is about to end and my heart will be broken. I feel like I unintentionally push him away, when I want more than anything to keep getting closer to him. I wish I could just relax. I have a bad habit of sabotaging good things in my life. He is being super patient and understanding, but I have to be driving him crazy.
Ashley didn’t come over last night. She decided to just spend the evening with her daughter. I am hoping we will get to see eachother tonight. My heart is broken for her. I feel helpless because I know that nothing I can say or do will make her feel better. It’s a process that she is going to have to go through, and the only thing I can do is listen. It takes me back to how I felt when Jeremy.
Alright…my kiddos are here. Hope it’s a good day!
Tell him you’re still worried. Maybe something will come up in that conversation that will reassure you once and for all that he won’t just “up and leave you”. But I think buying you a movie you love is a good sign. Hell, Jordan doesn’t remember my favorite movie! ((I actually told him he’s on his own for Christmas this year and he has to tell his mom what I’ve already told him I want!))
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As close as you seem to be, talking to him about it might be the best route. I know if I were in his place, I’d be as patient as necessary to help someone I’m crazy about. I certainly understand the feelings – I’m alot like that, and I’ve helped my best friend deal with for several years now. The only real way I’ve found to deal with is simply time and him continually giving you something to trust
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try not to worry about that stuff too much. i’m sure will like you just as much as you like him. he’d be crazy not to. just try to enjoy it, you know?
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I agree that open communication is key in relationships, but telling him the same thing over and over won’t do anything healthy. Trust me, I’ve done it. That’s not to say you shouldn’t be open and honest with him, though. Think about it this way. The only thing you can really control in this relationship is your commitment. If the relationship is going to end, it will eventually end. Some things just aren’t meant to be, but that doesn’t mean the relationship wasn’t/isn’t good for you. You learn from everything you experience. While I know it’s difficult to come to terms with, you need to realize that the relationship isn’t under your strict control. Enjoy it while you can. Who knows? It could be leading somewhere fantastic, and wouldn’t you hate to say you missed out on savouring little moments because you were too worried about the end picture?
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