5/1/07

Yesterday was one of the worst days I have had with my class in a long time. I just don’t know what to do with them sometimes. There are three of them who fight with eachother constantly. I am out of ideas/solutions. I probably spend at least one hour a day separating these boys, punishing them for pushing eachother/saying hurtful things/etc. I have such a small class that when three of them don’t get along it affects the whole classroom atmosphere.

Andrew(one of the three)  was horrible yesterday. The kids are having trouble working in class–they would much prefer goof off and then take work home so that their parents can "help" them (I know one parent who actually does the child’s homework for him). I have started giving participation grades in class in an attempt to get the kids to work. Andrew got a C during our English class because he was being disruptive and doing absolutely no work. He freaked out on me–crying and almost shutting down completely. I had him sit in the hall until he was able to compose himself and participate. He sat in the hallway for one and half hours refusing to talk to me about whatever his issue was. I asked him if he was ready to come back in about every ten minutes, but he just ignored me. I was so frustrated by the end of the day. I really didn’t want to come back today. Andrew brought me a card and a candle this morning. He apologized for his behavior. It just touched my heart so much. I didn’t talk to his parents about his behavior, so I know the apology came from him and not their forcing. I really do care about the kid, and on a good day he is the sweetest little boy in the world.

Matthew and Kelsey (the other two boys) are just plain mean, rude, and disrespectful. I try to find something good about every student, but these two make that challenging. I hate that I have gotten to the point that I can’t even look at them without feeling annoyance. I feel like a horrible teacher thinking like that. I just feel like I am done. I am exhausted. It’s hard to keep giving and giving to these kids who do nothing but complain and disrupt class.

Sorry, just had to vent. I feel so guilty admitting that I hate my job this year. I always try to put on a happy face about work, but it’s not at all genuine this year. It makes me sad to think about this year in relation to last. I could type on and on and on about this, but words don’t do justice for the helplessness/uselessness I am feeling. Nothing I do with this class seems to work to improve their attitudes and motivation. So draining.

Wow, such a vent.

I miss my friend the third grade teacher. I miss her a lot.

Did anyone watch The Bachelor last night? Seriously…there is NO way they would have been able to get the whole playground painted and dry in one day!