10/16/08

Will had a phone interview with a church in St. Louis last night. The church is only ten minutes away from my parents house. I have driven by it a thousand times, never guessing that we might end up there someday. I am so confused (frustrated even) by my feelings. I have spent the past year wishing I was back in STL, but now that there is a very real possibility, I am not so sure about it. When we first got the news I was super excited, but as I’ve had time to think about it, I get a not so great feeling in my stomach.

Some of my thoughts…..

-It would make me really happy to be so near to my family, but maybe it is a good thing for Will and I to live more independently for a while longer.

-I love the idea of being a stay at home mom, but I also have a great job here. I really like my school and the people I work with. If we move I may not get a teaching job, and what if I end up not loving being a SAHM?

-I have friends in STL, but maybe staying in Cali will cause me to grow and make new friends. I already have more friends than I did last year and am realizing it takes time for friendships to grow. I cherish my STL friends so much because I don’t get to see them that often. I would love love love to live so close to my best friend Ashley.

-What if we move and Will is unhappy in St. Louis? What if he wishes we stayed in Cali, and starts to resent the fact that we moved to be closer to my family (well, not for that reason alone, but it plays a huge part).

-Life has changed SO much in the past couple of years. Things are just starting to feel normal here. Do I really want to go through another huge change(even if it would take me back to a place that I know so well)?

– If we don’t take this chance, what if we never get another chance to live so close to my family?

My thoughts are just really jumbled right now. If we get this call, we will probably be moving as soon as January. It’s sad to think I might not finish the school year with my first graders.

Please pray for us as we make this decision! 🙂

In Jacob news, he’s wonderful!! He had a check up at the dr. last week and everything looks good. He is in the 50th percentile for height and weight and 75% for his head. Hehe…I love my big headed little guy! So cute! He smiles, babbles, and laughs constantly now. When I talk to him he babbles right after I speak, so it sounds like we are having a conversation. I love this 3 month old stage. He is still small and cuddly, but he’s so much more fun and alert than when he was a newborn.

Somebody’s fussy……. gotta’ go! 🙂