04/12/2011
I hate feeling like I have outgrown my purpose for writing in OD. When I started writing I was on a desperate quest to find myself. My entries focused on relationships, college, almost every aspect of my life. I spent hours on OD, and was thinking about entries I wanted to write when I wasn’t actually writing. I used to process every.thing to the point of exhaustion. Where did that person go? I loved having OD as an outlet. Agh…I want that back.
I wonder if all moms feel like their life isn’t really their own anymore? By the time work and household things are done for the day it is time to go to sleep. I force myself to stay up just so that I can have time to relax. Even weekends are a 24/7 "job" because Will works so much.I feel bad because I am always rushing and feel like the time I have with the boys isn’t high quality because there are 12,000 things on my mind. I need to separate work from home.I feel like a hamster in one of those spinning wheels. I need summer break. I do best when I have structure and routine so I’m hoping the freedom of summer doesn’t pull me off track. I want to go to the beach. Now. 🙂
So anyway, school is school. It’s become a little bit all consuming which I am trying to adjust. I don’t want to look back in a few years and realize I’ve missed out on so many of the little things.
Things between Will and myself have been really good. I can’t remember the last time we had an argument. We’ve been spending as much time together as possible (unfortunately not very much). I feel like I’m finding my best friend again.
I absolutely feel like my life isn’t my own anymore.
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*hug*
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I hope you don’t stop writing completely! Even though I don’t have kids I understand you’re probably crazy busy. I’m glad you and Will are doing so well and things are good despite being crazy busy 🙂
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Very interesting question about being a mom. I think it just “re-centers” us. We aren’t the center of our own universe anymore, so I think we adjust the lens and stop being as introspective. We stop trying to figure out why we are the way we are. I don’t think it is unhealthy, I think we have to give ourselves credit for how important we are to our children. Look at yourself through your childrens’ eyes and you have to know you are a great person.
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yea, don’t you sometimes feel like you are just updating US on your life? well, maybe you (and I) need to change the purpose of your diary. why not use it as a way to record your kids milestones or just their routines? then you can throw in a sentence or two at the end on how you feel or whats going on, so when you re-read it you can see how you were. I’m in the same boat. I used to be traveling
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and then pregnant and all that, and now my life is so stationary and BORING! its not that fun to write about. if you ever go back and re-read your old entries, you might have a new motivation to write. I’ll say that YOU make od fun for me! I really love reading your entries, and I miss when you used to write more!
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The last line of your entry makes me happy 🙂
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I feel like that most of the time-sometimes hard to write but than I miss it and all the good friends you make here.
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Also maybe I should enjoy my “quiet” and “free” time now before I have kids because it sounds like you have your hands full and definitely don’t sound like you have time to be bored or get lonely! lol I would kill for that right now but maybe I should appreciate it while I have it.
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