✨️Intensity✨️

I would imagine that most people have feelings.

Yes, I know, I am so intelligent.😉

But anywayyyy…

So recently, as they have discovered more and have researched adhd better, I found out that some people with adhd feel feelings on an intense scale.

Unless we are in crisis, in which case, we become cool as a cucumber for some reason. Balance, I guess.

Or at least I do, and others like me.

And it would make sense as I have overeacted about things in the past. And filling out forms stresses me out to a whole new level. If there’s a bit of info I need and do not know or can not get the info, I panick. Stress through the roof, and it sucks my energy away.

I’m the type who cries when I’m too angry, too excited, too nervous, too stressed, too happy.. just constantly trying to hold it together.😂

It ties into my love of ranting, and why I am always so LOUD! 😄

But basically all that was the opening to my entry for today.

So there’s this guy I really like. And like, I tell myself that I need to work on myself and my life and my kids’ life before I can even possibly think about that whole mess again. I go too hard, I get sucked way in, and blind myself.

And like I’ve liked guys before, loads, in fact. I’ve been in a few serious relationships and I’ve had many fun nights with hook-ups sprinkled along my life.

But never have I met a person with a soul that makes mine sing. And I can’t explain it. It sounds cliche, and it f*cking is. And I hate it. It scares me so much because I can’t even trust myself, how can I trust him. And do I even know him enough? He seems to know me inside and out and he can open me up like a book. He doesn’t need to touch me or look at me, just his words illuminate the dark spaces of my brain and clears the cobwebs from my heart.

Wtf IS this feeling? It’s different. It’s possibly the most intense feeling I’ve ever had. Is that even possible? Am I tricking myself? Is it placebo?

So I pushed it away, as I should, right? Right.

But it didn’t work, and in fact made things more intense. And every thing he does just tricks my brain back into a cycle of “no, you gotta get things together girl, you got this” to “I wonder how he is.. I wonder if he’s able to see the clouds too”

I actually feel crazy.

But I also feel… calm..

Aren’t I usually much more anxious? Because I still question everything…

But somehow I feel different and he says things that can make me blush as I’ve never done before. And I daydream about kissing him daily. It always takes my breath away at the point where he looks into my eyes and says my name.

But no matter my feelings I still have work on myself. And I love that I can just be there for him.

I want him to feel special every day. I want to see him smile everyday. He deserves way more, but still…. one day… ima get that man fully, and then my daydream will be just a(n amazing) day.

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