#totw82 Green Eyed Monster
Jealousy is a mean little biotch. Once in my life, I let it get its hooks into me and I became a person I didn’t even know. Now I don’t even know why I felt that way. All I remember is it defied all reason. The thing that initiated this emotion wasn’t even a thing in the long term that was going to serve my needs. When I shook the dirt off my shoes and left the mess behind me I swore I’d never let myself feel that one and I’ve meant it.
Later when I was fully entrenched in my life with Hubbin his friends would say “Aren’t you going to get into trouble for going out?” The longest friend he’s known longer than he’s known me was always saying stuff like “You getting to run around without the hide?” Now Lucky is a bit the old hound dog so I know why he’d be surprised but I trust the Hubbin. If he screwed up it was going to eat at him more than it was me. Who gets punished?
I also had friends who were surprised when I stopped wearing my wedding ring. Now the reason is this. I worked in aircraft Maintenence for a few years and when babies came along I had to wash hands a lot. Diapers and contact lenses don’t work for me nor the rings. I do love a pretty ring but my kind is so delicate it doesn’t take much to turn my hands into hamburger. My answer was “I know I’m married.” Point of fact so does he.
Roll forward. Hubbin and I have been through the deaths of our parents, comingled our finances (yours, mine, and ours but no secrets) raised two kids to adulthood. We think of ourselves as adults. We take separate vacations.
Roll forward. I have long term friendships with people who should know better. One of my oldest friends got so antagonistic toward my mate and children she literally cut me off from her life for a few years. It was really bizarre. At first, it was snarky little shots at how I dressed or what I did for work. She’d criticize my driving even though she herself had no job, didn’t drive, and couldn’t really keep a relationship. When she found out I was going to have my 2nd kid she exploded “Oh my Gawd! Don’t do this to me!” What? What was I doing to her? She sends me a message one day and says she and a new guy in her life are leaving the country. “Don’t try to call me. I might get ahold of you when I get back.” That was terribly twisted. Even more so I sat ion it for about 3 or 4 months past the time when she was supposed to be long gone and dial the number just out of curiosity. She answers. It’s all baloney and I tell her so.
Roll forward over 5 years and one day she calls me. We need to put things to rest. WTF? This was none of my doing. It’s not like we were fighting and one day it just came to a head. No, she had some burr up her hiney and decided good things in my life were something I was just doing to annoy her. No. Just no. We were never going to be best buds after that. I didn’t read her the riot act. I just said something along the lines of “Alrighty then” and went on about my life. One day she finds me on Farcebook and doesn’t get we are not going to be friends. I did not friend her. I just let it be. The baby that flipped her out was 16 years old the day I’m climbing into my car at 7 am on a Saturday to go check on my dad who is in the hospital. This person I haven’t physically seen in nearly 18 years starts yelling at me because she posted something on Farcebook about some other friend who had apparently died and “Don’t you even care? I’m mourning!” I don’t read everything posted on that awful thing and say I’m sorry I missed whatever it was but I am heading to the emergency room right now to check on my father so now is not a good time.
Now she practically stalks me. “I love you. I’m sorry. Is your father dead yet?” Okay, this is not how we bond. This is never how we’re going to bond. It’s been another 8 years of her random messages. “How are you doing? Should I offer condolences?” ick! no!
Meanwhile, another friend of mine starts getting messages from this person. It’s really weird stuff. These two have never met. Friend number 2 puts this person on ignore too. I thought. Next thing I know she’s putting me on ignore. I find out the other friend doesn’t like to share friends either. Wait! Thing number 1 is not in the running for besties. Comments start about how privileged I am. It would be good I’m told to learn how poor people live, what hardships are. This is extremely strange since #2 and I met doing the same job. Our menfolk are both retired military so our resources are pretty much the same. We grew up not having a lot as kids. It was a common thing that drew us together. We tease each other about it. Suddenly I’m a princess? Turns out I’m annoying her because I go do what I please. It’s weird and unexpected because I’m the one who always does without things other people have. The only thing I seem to have done wrong is hiding out in the RV that year and when it was time to hit the road I shard the seats in my car with another rider friend #3. I don’t get this exclusive thing. Nobody told me about these weird rules where you are supposed to be hovering all the time over one person and ask permission for everything I do from getting married to when I’m allowed to pay attention to my father in his last years instead of playing on the computer. Even my parents never kept that short a leash on me. Hubbin and I kiss each other goodbye and share the stories when we get back together. This jealous friend girl act pains me. Hubbin laughs and says “How does it feel being the man?” That’s not funny but I get what he means. Jealousy. You’re not even in trouble for what you did. You’re in trouble for how someone feels about something you had no part of.
Envy, there’s a reason why that’s one of the big no no sins. Be gone with it.