Better Days

Yesterday I spent a little social distancing time with a former coworker I haven’t seen in a couple of years. I was afraid it might be too cold to sit at the park and talk in the leavings of a recent snowstorm. The snow hit so hard and fast before leaves had fallen that we were surrounded by broken trees. It gave a strange vibe like we were camped out in the middle of a disaster. The visit wasn’t a disaster. We lost about 4 hours before we knew it, I mean no sense of time whatsoever, and hated to break it up but I had a late afternoon appointment or we still might be there. This woman is so awesome and going through the same kind of thing I managed to get through 6 years ago. It was nice to just listen and be able to say “yes, this is tough but there will be a happier life on the other side.” She has real friends of her own but I was happy to be able to do this for her. It was a good thing for me and wasn’t going to cost anything but a sunny day.

Now I know I’ve been complaining about a couple of people so this is a weird flip of events. It’s interesting that Delphina texted me today “We need to go for a long drive.” Nothing for a few days and then offers me something I absolutely can’t do. I’m just done explaining to these women the rules of the road about social distancing. Hubbin and I were out trying to get rims for the new snow tires we need to put on the new van. I looked at the message and told him this is really going to be hard but I’m not going to be the one who answers right back and jumps in the car to go whenever someone is bored. The emotional energy it takes for a thing that isn’t going to happen is just too much. Somebody else’s last-minute cancellation, personal crisis, or “I forgot” costs me the same whether it happens or not and I’m the only one making the effort. It’s going to be uncomfortable for a while but I’m going to quit being that person.

Former coworker reminded me how hard I (incidentally she is like this too) put effort into every little thing I do and how hard I try to be fair to people who aren’t fair to me. I’ve been the ideal employee, friend, child, spouse, and mother until it’s physically damaged me. Then I had to stop at Pup’s for a prearranged paying of his bills and he actually answered the phone and said we had to go to the bank but he needed to get ready but didn’t answer the door (I forgot my keys) and 40 minutes later I called to see what he was doing and yep, he’d fallen back to sleep while I’m sitting out front. I have to go there again tomorrow (another of those go between tasks Hubbin sends me on) but I’m just about to declare it quits on this too.

Well, nuts! I may just start doing some unpredictable stuff. Maybe when I show up (with my keys) at his house (which I own) I may just take a nap on the couch (I paid for – long story) and just go home when I’m ready. This bratty behavior won’t happen if the roommate is around but I may steal all the dirty dishes (which used to be my dishes before they needed some). See what happens when a middle-aged lady gets tired of being a ghost? Now I don’t NEED dirty dishes but I could put them in my motor home (cleaned for me) or could bag them up and hide them in a closet which they would never find because 6 months will go by before the stink makes someone clean there. We’ve tested that theory with onions Wu brought home from the college food bank. I’m really fond of all these menfolk but they’re hella full of bullcrap.

Hubbin and Wu aren’t on my $#!& list right now. I cleaned out the Lumpy van for sale and they actually were helpful. I’m not grouchy right now, the last couple of days were pretty good. I think finding Castle Rock on Hulu put me in a good headspace. It’s a love letter to and from Stephen King. It makes me weirdly emotional to watch it. You’d have to be a fan to understand why a woman with a lit degree who eschews “genre” can sit nearly weeping with love for this near-perfect thing. I won’t even tell anyone what I’ve found because the first person who said “well he really isn’t my thing” would get laser beams shooting out of my eyes and poof they would be nothing but a charred space.

I’m not going to start my reign of chaos until after I’ve had my week at the beach but they are all dangling from a very fine thread.

Called the car company today. I’ve got the new plates (happy bunny holders on order “Butts happily kicked”)but no 2nd set of keys. 12 weeks they say for that. Could be 2021 before I get the keys. I don’t get the we charge you $75 for our arbitrary deadline but can’t put keys in an envelope for 3 months.