Monday, 25 April 2022

Monday, 25 April 2022

I really want to start journaling and I’m going to see if it works out doing it this way or not. If not, I have other notebooks that I can write in. I’ve always had problems journaling online because I don’t know where to start and always end up deleting it and not sticking to it. I’m wanting to get better at sticking to things like using this planner religiously, journaling and painting.

I’m too hard on myself when it comes to painting. I expect it to be perfect but I’m brand new at learning and the paintings I dislike the most are the ones that everyone likes the most. I just want to stick to one damn hobby and stay with it for longer than six months. It’s the ADD that makes it hard to keep up with things. I get bored too easily and I give up as soon as it doesn’t turn out the way I want it to. I also want to quit sleeping as much as I do. I waste so much time during the days sleeping when I could be getting so much more done. I could be painting, cleaning, watching movies or texting Lee Ann a lot more during the day.

I know Lee Ann feels lonely and that’s all my fault. I hate that she feels lonely. I wish I was a better wife. I wish I could be half the wife that Lee Ann is. She take such good care of me and makes sure all of my needs are met. I know that I would never go to town early in the morning to get her breakfast like she does for me all the time and I’m such a shitty ass person and partner for that. She deserves the world because she’s given me the world plus more.

I know I need to add new indentions for new paragraphs, but I really don’t want to waste the space.

On Saturday evening, me and Lee Ann went to G-y to babysit K Cub and D Cub while JD and CD went out for JD’s 30th birthday. They were so good. K Cub was kind of whiny but nothing that a bottle and cuddles didn’t fix. K Cub fights people in her sleep. She was kicking and throwing punches like she was seriously in a street fight. D Cub watched the entire movie of Moana. I also introduced him to Lion King about two weeks ago and CD said they have to listen to the soundtrack every day on the way to school. She also said that he only watches the original Lion King, not the new one or Lion King 1/2.

I always enjoy getting to see them. I can’t explain my love for them. I’m so happy that I now have a niece and a nephew to love on. D Cub wasn’t a big fan of me for the first 15 months of his life until recently when he’s my biggest fan. I love it when he’ll climb up in my lap to watch a movie. And he knows that I’m his Brit Brit because CD asked him to point me out the other day and he pointed directly at me. It made my evening. He’s not a big fan of talking to me on the phone. But, I don’t blame him. He’d rather play on his mama’s phone. CD says that he’s an asshole but I honestly don’t see it. But I also don’t spend as much time with him as CD does. This was the first time that CD asked us to babysit while they went out. I guess we did good because CD text the next morning and said that K Cub slept til 0745 instead of her usual 0500. So, hopefully we’ll get asked a lot more often to babysit.

I’m sitting here at the control board at work, filling this out. Powers hasn’t said anything yet about putting it up or asking me what I’m doing. I came to nights in the jail three weeks ago after I lost my shit on the Captain. He favors the males that work here and is literally a fucking rude ass asshole to your face, but has a different tone on the phone and on e-mails.

I’m just staying here until Merritt graduates and then hopefully we get the fuck out of here. I hate working for this department but I love my co-workers and I love working in the jail. Powers is a pretty good Sergeant too. I miss the day time hours though and I miss working with Thompson. I just hope that they’re not taking advantage of her on day shift. Night shift is so easy though. It’s lights out at 2300 and you honestly don’t hear much throughout the night. And, there’s not a lot to do. But the guys on my shift, Powers, Green, Hernandez and Smith, we all work really well together as a team. I liked working with Porter, but she was scared to say “no” and I took advantage of that shit. She never said anything to Captain after I lost my shit on him but I know it’s because she’s scared of him. Oh well. I like night shift. No brass to deal with. It cuts into spending time with Lee Ann though and that makes me feel bad. Also, I don’t get paid shit here. I’ve been doing some research into working at a prison. I’d really like to work on women’s death row. Plus, having my peace officer’s licenses could go a long way working in the prison. I don’t know if I ever want to go back on the streets as an officer. I like the routine of the jail and how no two days are the same in jail. They weren’t either on the streets but I got bored on the streets. I really would miss the investigative part of being on the streets though. OK, I’m just rambling about nothing.

I’m going to try and write in here as often as possible.

-Peace-