i hate autism(vent)

Yesterday i took Elijah to the park nearby..

there were a few kids there around elijahs age and at first he was playing on his own which is typical for him, but another kid approached him and started asking him questions.

of course he got a little frustrated, and starting mumbling, not really answering and the kid seemed upset that he had to repeat the question to him and wasnt getting a response so he left him alone and went back to play with the other kids there.

Elijah didnt quite get the hint, he just went to the merry go round where the kids were, and that same kid started asking him more questions, this time addition questions, 1+1, 2+2 etc and Elijah couldnt answer it.

sometimes ill step in and tell the kids and parents that he has autism. but they just give me this blank look and go back to their lives.

Im used to seeing that happening to him when i take him somewhere to interact with other kids and everytime its heartbreaking for me. he will be 7 in June, and he’s on the level of a toddler when it comes to speech and social skills.

Im still trying to get him to read, but that is a daily struggle, i hate that he has this disorder, he will always be a little different than others and i wont always be there to protect him from ppl.

I know there isnt a switch that’ll just make him "normal" that i can turn on, so over the years ive just learned to cope with his behavior and his differences. but it still hurts, i still remember hearing the word autism for the first time.

i envy parents who have kids they can communicate with, who dont struggle the way my son does.

i never in a million years thought i would have a child that has spcl needs.

I always hear ppl say special ppl have children with special needs, and it makes me wanna slap them. seriously, i know they mean well. but i’d like to see them live with an autistic child for 24hours and see how special they feel.

sometimes i feel like giving up.. i know its not the pc thing to say, but i do have my moments when it comes to this disorder.

im 24 and i have a 7 year old who cant even communicate most of his basic needs to me on a daily basis, i still dress him, clean him, brush his teeth, tie his shoe, will it always be this way, sometimes i wonder..

i took on alot at a young age, didnt have a clue what i was getting myself into and 7 years later i still dont have it all together. i dont have all the answers, but i try. its the least i can do for him.