Part 2 – Cont.

After the hotel staff took my wet clothing, I decided that I’d better visit an ATM prior to the trip tomorrow.  While there are ATM’s in this country, I have discovered that my international baking account doesn’t work at many of them.  I looked at my almost naked self, and thought – boxers are not Viet friendly…nor is my naken torso…  I put on the only clothing I had:  Navy blue shorts with a bright yellow stripe, and navy blue shirt with a large yellow star. 

When I arrived at the front desk, both employees actually laughed at me!      I must admit that I was quite embarassed..but what is one to do?  I asked her where the nearest ATM was, and she directed me along a route when made me believe she only wanted her fellow citizens to enjoy glimpses of my attire as much as she and the fucker who claimed not to know the difference between ‘wet and dry’ meant.  LOL!!!  I don’t know if I’m lauging so much from embarassment or because I actually realized how silly I looked prior to walking outside.  But I did was was right:  I held my head high whilst attempting to convince the locals that THIS is now westerners dress!  Dress like me and be cool!  Hell…I figured that if Paris Hilton and Nicole could convince all of the women on the planet to wear the rediculously large ‘bug-eye’ sunglasses, I can convince everyone to wear navy and yellow; it didn’t work. 

If there were more tomatos in town, I would be red.  If there were a gallows, I’d be shackled.  If a conspiracy needed a patsy, fingers would be pointed at me whilst the mouths screamed, "Lee Harvey!  Lee Harvey!" 

I went to three different ATM’s.  At one actual bank, one women noticed me clad in my regal colors and said something to her friends; EVERY chick in the bank look at me and began laughing.  What was I to do?  I did the only think one could do in such a situation:  I flexed.   Yes…I flexed all of the lanky 190 pounds of my bean pole frame…complete with facial expression.  LOL!!!  I don’t know if their laugher stopped because of the facial expression or the though that my head may have been stepped on by a cow in a rice paddy as a youngster!  HALLARIOUS!!!  They didn’t know WHICH way to turn!  LOL!!!  I approached one woman and uttered a couple of words:

Randall:  where is ATM?

Chick with a sense of humor until I flexed:  What?

ATM <pronounced AAAA  TEEEE EMMMM>

She asked, ‘AT…what?"

I used the European variation of the pronounciation…still nothing.  I removed my ATM card, and asked, "ATM?"

She laughed, and asked, "ATM?"  <Pronounced AAAAA TEEEEE EMMMMM>  F**K!  Open the damn mind and communicate!  I speak bits and pieces of several languages.  I can actively communicate effectively in three languages.  The easiest way for me to communicate with someone who doesn’t speak the same language I speak is by keeping an open mind…sign language.  It seems that we adults tend to shut down our analytical process when we naturally assume that we are unable to communicate with someone who speaks a language other than our own…KEEP THE MIND OPEN…who knows who you’ll meet by doing so!

So she gave me the directions, and I went on my way…along with my navy blue friends and yellow pals.  I made the withdrawal then found my way to a local bootleg movie joint.  I know…I know…it’s not right to purchase such movies…but what about people in my sitiation?  I don’t get to go to the cinema or listen to new music or experience other cultural events.  The market for bootleg movies is huge in Asia.  I don’t get to see movies where I’m at.  I really want to appreciate the actors of my day…people from my generation or people who have been appreciated by my generation.  What am I to do?  Forever miss the movies or see 3rd rate versions of them?  I am TOTALLY getting sidetracked at the moment…I just had a couple of drinks…evil demon liquid! 

The cash cow.

While I was waiting for the movie  mama to bring me my flicks, I saw a lady selling sweets.  Normally I’m not a sweets person, but i ran out of Copenhagen about a week ago.  I pointed to a sweet, then asked how much; she said, "5000 Dong".  ALWAYS with the dong!   I suspected it was too much and waited around the corner until she completed her sale with the lady who’d purchased TWO of the same sweets; the lady paid 5000 Dong…and NONE of them were Golden Dongs.  I just had to go back and confront; I will forever not know if they were laughing at my clothing color combo or the fact that I was taken to the bank twice:  Once with the sweets, and once with the shirts.   I mentioned something about this to the people where I was purchasing he flicks from, and they just laughed as well…most likely at the golden star…

 As I attempted to steal my way around the corner, I happened upon a lady selling fresh bread.  I asked her how much for a loaf; she said, "500."  I gave her a 2000 note, and she gave me 1000 back.  I   wondered – I’m sorry…did I ask how much for the loaf twice?  She and I debated for several minutes, then I gave her the 1000 back and told her < which I’m quite certain she didn’t understand> to keep it if she needed it. 

Lora is a big believer in Karma…I’m not.  I tend to follow  Ken’s philosophy:  For wronging you, bust their legs in such a location that they’ll NEVER attempt to rip off  another Westerner so long as they are not having Agent Orange dumped on them by the NEXT Bush  president because ‘president’ George W. ‘served’ during the Vietnam war. 

Since I’m stuck in this city tonight, I’m going to make another entry about ‘fun facts of Hanoi’ which are entertaining, true, and scary…