Hair Gel and Mobile Phones

I am beginning to think that the only civilized thing about the people of Iraq are their hair gels and mobile phones.  I am disgusted every time I find myself in a line filled with bodies from that country.  Their fingers are going into every orafice on their head; a little finger crammed to the second knuckle as the hand shakes back and forth while massaging the inner ear.  The finger, once removed, is closely inspected visually.  Three people engaged in conversation when one or two suddenly feel the need to dislodge encrusted particles from the nasal passage; again a visual inspection.  Body odors,  no toilet paper, and the same meal, be it on an airplane or in a restaurant.

I am always refreshed when I come to Dubai.  The people here are so beautiful and elegantly dressed.   Flowing robes, heavily starched.  Glowing street lights dancing and shimmering on the river which flows through the magnificant city.   Then there are the conventions…

I knew what I was getting into prior to my arrival in Dubai; a massive medical convention.  I was told at the airport that there were no rooms available in the entire city .  I never believed it until I’d been traveling around in a taxi from midnight until 3am.  I must have checked at least 30 hotels.  My first driver didn’t get it; he kept taking me to 3,4, and 5 star hotels.  I knew that the business people wouldnt’ go into 1/2 star hotels and told him I wanted the worst possible hotel in the city.  When he still didn’t get it, I popped smoke and jumped into another cab. 

A few minutes past three, we were driving through a shady part of the city when I suddenly had a thought:  Hookers.  Hookers  always know where the no-tell motels are so I told the driver to find me a hooker.  haha!  When we arrived on a section of street which was lined with hookers, I pointed out the oldest of them, and said, "Take me to her."  When we approached, she asked, "Where is your hotel?"  I told her it was on another side of the city but that my wife was there so I needed to find one nearby for an hour or two.  She said she knew just the place and got into the cab. 

The first two we fully booked.  The third had one room left.  The sign indicated  the cost was Dhs. 200/night.  The clerk said, "For tonight, the cost is Dhs. 500."  He had me by the testicles so I took the room.  I gave the old Chinese hooker Dhs. 50 and told her to hit the bricks and waited for my room.   On a side note, I have no idea who would actually pay such an old Chinese woman for services.

As I waited for about 30 minutes, I asked what the hold up was.  The night clerk told me that he was waiting for the other occupants to clear out of the room.  About five minutes later, and Indian family…mother, father, and young daugher entered into the lobby all sleepy-eyed.  Turns out they were evicted from the room of the Manager and relocated to another ‘charge by the hour room’ after a doer of deeds and his hooker finished their encounter, which made way for me to move into the Manager’s room.

The bed was hard as hell, there was no hot water in the shower, no toilet paper, but it was a bed. 

I’m at the city center now for a nice steak.  I will go to the hotel bar at a hotel where Security Contractors normally stay and see if I bump into any old buddies.  Every time I have passed through here in the past, I always encounter a buddy or two, and that’s always nice.