Good Luck and Bad

I am feeling quite tired at the moment.  I wish things in life were always in black and white.  I really don’t care for grey.  The word ‘Grey’ has always bothered me.  There are two spellings…’Grey’ and ‘Gray’…which is correct?  Why can’t someone simply make a freeking choice about this?  By having two spellings, there is a ‘grey’ or ‘gray’ area.  Where is the black and white?

I think that, all in all, I’m a good person.  I think I contribute something to society.  While I know that I probably wouldn’t be a great contributor as a father or as a husband, as least I recognize this fact and live life accordingly.  But I try in other areas, though most of my decisions are not thought out quite as well as I would like…but this tends to happen with spur of the moment choices.

Richard made a comment about me helping a man who was suffering from a heart attack.  I have always made foolish choices in my life.  haha  A secret was that the man was suffering from a heart attack after he touched a live power wire.  Not  the wisest decision to rush in and begin grabbing and throwing metal chairs to get to his body while there is a ‘live wire’ in the area…but who knew?  ha  I didn’t dislocate my finger…I broke it.  This part to me is the funny part of the story…I THOUGHT it was dislocated because my ‘trigger finger’ was lying over my ‘bird finger’.  Sal Celi said, "Hey…look at your finger."  I looked at it, thought it was dislocated, grabbed it with my left hand, and pulled it out straight…then it slowly shifted right and again covered my ‘bird finger’.  Sal said, "I think you broke it."  My boss kept telling me to ‘work the retirement angle’, but I didn’t because it’s just not right.  But what is right?  Is it wrong to stand up for a system which uses us and serves others? 

I went out to a discotech last night when two men attempted to steal my hired motorscooter.  I have always trained myself not to become a victim in such a situation.  I will never be the man who tells the story – yes, Mr. Police Officer…they took my motorscooter…there was nothing I could do.  It’s just not right.  The rental place has my I.D. and knows where I stay and my flight info.  What should I do?  Allow them to take it because it’s just a hired scooter?  Let them be rewarded by stealing/selling it?  And ME pay for the freeking scooter?!  Negative!  Every fucking time – NEGATIVE!  Do I pay twice?  Pay with money, AND pay with a loss of honor?  Absolutely not.  And how am I rewarded today?  A small knife cut and a hairline fracture on my jaw from something blunt.  So again I pay…but they didn’t get my motorscooter. 

I am quite damaged today…both emotionally and physically.  I called Jimlim because the hospital didn’t want to let me go until they were sure I was right in the head (being ‘right in the head’ has always eluded me…haha).  Guess what?  No answer.  No call back.  Nothing.  I spent the entire freeking night at the hospital. 

At work, the guys always call me ‘The Rabid Weasel’.  haha…they are all quite bigger than me, but I am ferocious.  Whenever I get into a fight, I always use everything at my disposal…including biting.  haha!  I was a weasel last night and bit the shit out of the guy with the knife..paid off because the coppers caught him when he checked into a hospital while wearing human bite marks.  He was arrested, then released ROR; where is the justice?  He entered into a ‘grey’ area…no black and white.  Not locked up with a thrown away key.  And I spend my day eating soup.

One thing is entertaining to me in a pathetic way.  While I dealt with knife guy, the other bloke struck me along side my head with something metalic.  This is what broke my jaw.  Though slightly <lie> drunk, I wasn’t knocked out.  I always joke with guys I ‘get into it’ with that I have only been knocked out once.  It’s true.  I have been involved in two major auto accidents, but I have only been knocked out by one thing:  My loving father.  Pathetic life form?  Conditioner for things to come?  Who knows…but definately an idiot. 

A funny thing…as I sit here typing, the girl who runs this shop came to sweep under my feet.  I pushed out from the desk and rolled on my chair, legs extended, to the other side of the room.  haha!  She was rolling! (as was I…)

I went scuba diving two days ago.  While the visibility was really bad, I saw heaps of really cool stuff.  I saw two Black Tip Reef Sharks…the largest was about two meters…very cool.  I saw a Clown Fish.  While I have seen heaps of Clown Fish around the Reef, there was something special about these.  There were a total of four.  My Dive Master was waving frantically to show me the four fish…I didn’t thing it was a big deal until we got on the surface.  He told me that there was worry among the  locals that there was only one Clown remaining in the area and there was not another it could breed with.  Suddenly, there were four…two adults, and two babies.  Very, very cool!  I saw several Grouper…all were very large.  Numerous other small fish.  Two schools of Baracuda…they looked like their other barracuda brethern, but they were smaller and had slanted eyes…I suspect they were Asian Barricuda.  hehe  Actually, they were quite smaller.  The largest school consisted of more than 80!  Excellent!

If I were a fire marshall, I would have shut down the operation; the speedboat had seats for about 20, and we were WAY over that amount!  I was the last on the boat which meant that I was the first into the water…it also meant that I shared the entire back seat with one other person.  I slept all the way there.

My Dive Master was a dude from Germany who is living/working here illegally.  He is a prior German Navy man, and we had loads of fun telling each other stories of ‘Ground Pounders’ like me, and Navy Boys.  When we finished our second dive and were headed back to shore (about a two hours speed boat ride), the water became extremely choppy.  We were hitting five foot swells…it was totally out of control.  Some bloke from Holland tried to take the  back seat away from me and my Dive Master (the back seat is actually a long padded bench.  There were several dive companies and their customers all on the same boat…I was the only customer from the company I went with).  When we hit the swells, ocean spray covered everyone in the boat…most of it hitting we on the rear bench.  Dutchman left the  bench for greener pastures.  I looked at the Dive Master and he at me, and we smiled at each other.  I removed a gortex rain coat from my backpack, looked at Dive Master, pointed to my temple, and said, "Always thinking."  haha!  Many on the boat watched the exchange and chuckled.  The Dive Master smiled, opened his bag, and pulled out a larger than life poncho.  He cove

red himself from head to toe, and said, "I have you beat!"  I laughed, and said, "But I’m more stylish!"  The people on the boat began laughing loudly.  He laid down on half of the bench and slept.  I don’t know if he was actually sleeping or putting on a show.  The sea was so unbelievable rough.  Several people were sick and puked over the side of the boat.  I too laid down but couldn’t sleep.  Funny thing…I am terrified of planes and can’t sleep for the longest of flights, but I can rest comfortably on a boat…perhaps I should have been a nave man.

A big bummer is that I have worn out two things since I’ve been traveling:  My camera and my backpack.  Although the camera costed more money, I am more bummed about the pack.  three zippers have been blown out.  While the main section is still operational, I can no longer use the small, detatchable day pack.  I will purchase another Fujifilm product so I’m not worried about losing  photos.  I’m just bummed that I can’t use the camera to create photographic memories on this part of the trip.

Funny thing about Jimlim…we are not dating any longer officially, yet she always tells me she loves me.  ‘Go away, but I love you…’ what the hell?  Drives me nuts because  I’m nuts about her.  I think I need to move on and forget about her.  I have tried…but the results have not been promising. 

I went on a date last night with a pharmacist I met here.  We went to the beach and ate at a restaurant.  I could hear ocean surf in the background and very lovely music from the main section of the restaurant.  Conversation was good; the food was excellent! We had prawns, BBQ’d fish, rice, and a very lovely salad filled with seafood.  People wonder why Asian people are so small…I’ll tell you:  They actually WATCH their diet!  Unlike we Americans, they care what is fed into their face.  I was eating loads of shellfish, and she said, "You musn’t eat so much…it’s filled with colesterol.  Just try and enjoy a bit of it." 

I think I’m going to only spend a bit of time in BKK prior to going to Cambodia and Vietnam.  I will try to get my camera fixed as well as my zippers, then will move on.  The only reason I still return to that place is to see Jimlim, and she has been less than nice.  I also suspect she lies about things…nothing concrete…just a feeling. 

I remember what I always tell when giving classes to military personnel who recently arrive in country…’ALWAYS trust your instinct…it’s normally spot on 99% of the time’.  Tell me…why is it SOOO damn difficult to follow my own advice? 

Just got a text from the pharmacy lady…looks like we’ll be meeting again tonight…too bad my heart isn’t in it…

Speaking of which, a lady I met while selling her an alarm system began talking to me about personal things.  She learned that I’d just been ‘released’ from a relationship.  She said, "Don’t worry…the heart always heals…"  I don’t believe it.  I think that like a bad knee, once  broken, the heart recovers so it is operational, but there will forever be scar tissue…like an old wound which you feel on a very cold or very rainy day…sometimes, we will always be reminded of a past pain of the heart…especially on a cold day.   Today is very cold, and the rain pours.