HER

a few weeks ago the love of my life married another man. i mean this girl is perfect. 

the story
ive always been a romantic. when i was young (elementary school young) i prayed and informed God of the type of woman i wanted to marry. about 10 years later i met her. TR. we met at a christian summer camp. our friends got us to go to the end of camp banquet together. the rest of the summer we spent every moment we were awake (and even some we werent) on the phone. and this was back when you had to pay for all long distance calls and there was no cell phone. luckily i had a little job, so i was sending my whole check to her mother to pay the phone bill. this went on all summer we would talk all day and she would sneak out of her room at night to get on the phone. we would hang up for church, dinner, bathroom breaks, and when her mom was waking up. other than that we were talking, and we never ran out of things to talk to about. probably the best summer of my life. i’m smiling just writing about it. anyway, i ended up losing my job, but we didnt want to stop talking. so we didnt until their phone got cut off because i couldnt help with the bill. i even went up to her dads house and stayed for a few days that summer. but after that we lost touch for a while. several years later we reconnect; our churches were always close. so when we saw each other it was like nothing changed. we talked and laughed like we had never stopped.
but one thing had changed. i had told her how i felt about her and how i thought she was the one for me via email, because thats all we had at that time. she told me i was wrong and she was sure of it. broke my heart, also put my guard up. so i was hesitant to pursue anything. we remained friends though and just as close as ever. could tell each other anything and everything and talk for hours. she eventually came out and said she wanted more, but i was scared and wasnt ready. i moved to TN for college (read earlier entries) she flew out to see me. but i still wasnt ready. several months ago, she was still pursuing me, and i wasnt ready. however, there is this guy who her whole family and church family think is perfect and made for her. so i told her maybe they’re right. eventually she gave him a chance and now three months later they’re married. and here i am alone, hoping she’s happy. scared that i wont ever find another like her. concerned that if i do marry one day, will i be settling for someone instead of truly falling for someone. will i always compare females to her? has that been my hangup this whole time? thing is i dont know. maybe i’m not meant to be married. 

that is the story of her.