EUREKA!!!!

I THINK I FIGURED OUT THE PROBLEM MENTIONED IN MY LAST ENTRY…

fear

not like many of you care, but this is my release. so dont read if you dont want to.

fear has taken control of my life once again. i came to this realization a few days ago. since i barely sleep or eat anymore i have plenty of time to think.
i dont blame anyone for what i’m going thru, because my mom taught me to take responsibility for myself. so, this is my fault; a result of decsions and choices i have made that have led to fear chokin holdig my life.
why is that when your hurt your life stops, but the people or person who hurt you goes on like everthing is ok and nothing happened?

ok, so heres the deal. i am scared to say or do just about anything. i wont allow myself to be happy anymore. i wont make any new friends. i wont let anyone get close. i barely talk to anyone. i rarely go anywhere outside of work and school. i never thought it would happen, but i’m back stuck in this shell shut out from the world. i mean i hav less then a hand full of people i talk to and even those people kno i dont go to them or talk to them like i use to. fear has caused me to go back to not trusting people. not wanting anyone in my life, for fear they’ll hurt me. it sucks. i was free and here i am back in my shell full of fear. i dunno how longs its gonna take me to get out this time or even if i will get out. fear is really tricky, it plays on all five senses at times. i cant control it. i’m tired of fighting it already. it seems like i cant win. everytime i seem to be beating it, it comes with a haymaker and almost knocks me off my feet.

so to those few people whom are my closest and dearest friends(i hope you kno who you are) i want to sat thank you, because i kno you will be here as i go thru this. for the rest of you. thanks for playing the game, and goodbye.