Oh my…!

 …it’s been a while, hasn’t it?  

I just haven’t been feeling up to writing lately.  Don’t know for sure why.  I think it’s most likely do to stress and not getting adequate sleep.  I’m working on it.

My Liz started school at the local college a couple of weeks ago.  The poor girl was so anxious during the first week that she kept having panic attacks.  Now that she’s adjusted to the schedule and gotten to know her instructors, she’s feeling a lot better.  I hung out with her the first whole week and we really had fun checking out the campus.  The only drawback was not being well enough informed of how the college uses the grant money based on your credit hours.  We learned all about it in hind-sight when she ran out of money and had to pay $6.87 to make up the difference for the cost of her books.  The next semester will be planned out better so she can use some of the money that’s left over to buy a recorder that will help accommodate her CAPD.  I can’t believe how much more this is costing us in Gas!!  Oh. my. gosh!!  I really need to look into some possible assistance we could get to help with that.  

Liz will be double majoring.  Right now, at the local college, she’ll be working towards her Associates degree in music.  Once she accomplishes that, she wants to transfer to a university where she can major in linguistics and learn foreign language.  Some time in between or after that, she also wants to go to cosmetology classes to learn how to professionally cut hair – as a means of income while she’s in school.  Then, when she finally graduates from University, she wants to teach English in Korea for a year or two.  My girl’s ambition and drive just amazes me.  I only hope she’s able to make it work without burning herself out.  

Wesley’s report card came in.  He’s made so much improvement over the past few months!!  He still needs to work on his "effort" in some areas, but, so far he’s met all of his IEP goals.  Three weeks ago Wesley had his first board breaking ceremony in Therapeutic Martial Arts.  His form was almost perfect, if not a little delayed, but he did very well.  He was promoted from white belt to orange belt and received a certificate of achievement.  I was so proud of him.  I was in such a hurry to get out the door to get there in time that I forgot my camera!  THAT made me mad!  

He successfully went on his first field trip since Kindergarten!!  He was a bit anxious and scared but his teachers have been wonderful with him.  He rode the bus out to the Cleveland Botanical Garden and LOVED it!  Now he’s telling me…no, BEGGING me, to let him start riding the school bus to and from school.  I’m actually thinking about signing him back up for the bus considering how much all this driving around has been costing us.

Ally has filled out her high school curriculum schedule.  We have a meeting next week at the middle school to get it submitted.  She’s really excited about starting High School next fall.  I’m still amazed every time she picks up her viola and starts practicing.  She has the potential to surpass her older sister and I wouldn’t be too surprised if she does.  She has the advantage of having been taught how to read music as she learned how to play.  Liz, on the other hand, is practically learning all over again as her teacher refuses to let her learn how to play a piece of music after hearing it first.  She has to learn strictly by reading the music – which she says has been a challenge so far.  

Cathy has a new boyfriend. She’s been seeing him for almost 6 months.  So far he seems like a really good kid.  He’ll be turning 20 this March.  He’s very active in his church and highly respects my and my husband’s rules concerning proper behavior and NO alone time.  He’s been informed of Cathy’s tragic rape by her ex-boyfriend and he’s been very supportive.  He’s actually helped her to come out and start talking about it – which is what I’ve been praying so hard and hoping for, for more than a year.  The little creep that did this to her thinks he’s gotten away with it but he’s going to be very surprised in the next few months.

The boy was/is a master manipulator.  I’m not even sure if he’s mentally aware of just how twisted he is!  He’s grossly immature and if his father is any indication of the kind of person he is, he lacks proper empathy or sympathy.  He had ALL OF US fooled.  BUT, regardless of all of that, he was and still is a minor.  I don’t want revenge on this kid, I want to see him get help.  If there’s any chance at all that he can be rehabilitated, educated and counselled properly and become a good, caring and normal person, I want to give him that chance.  Because of his age, he won’t be labeled a pedophile for the rest of his life.  Pressing charges will more likely result in him being forced to receive counseling and therapy.  Anything he does after that is on him.  

I’ve gotten a lot of flack from friends and family about waiting so long to do something about this but they just don’t understand my reasons behind waiting until now.  In the beginning, when I first learned of what happened, I still didn’t know any of the details.  Cathy was very closed off and wouldn’t talk about it.  She even made odd comments about how she still "loved" him.  It wasn’t until a couple of months later that I realized  that she was suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.  The only difference was that instead of her developing an emotional bond with him after the abuse, he developed within her an emotional bond BEFORE he abused her and then reinforced it with control and manipulation, which then continued for nearly 6 more months.  She didn’t want anything to do with counseling and I couldn’t push the issue without causing more trauma.  As excruciating as it was for me to sit back and wait, I really had no choice.  She needed to slowly come to terms with what happened first before she could start dealing with the truth.

Now, thanks to some gentle prodding, endless prayer and a LOT of patience, she’s finally come to the point where she’s ready to talk about it and receive counseling.  Starting a new relationship with her current boyfriend helped to expedite her decision.  What she didn’t realize when she decided to start dating again was that, being with Jon (her current boyfriend), would trigger flashbacks and emotional outbursts that scared her.  Thankfully, and yet unfortunately, Jon knows a thing or two about rape.  His mother was a victim of rape, so, he knows what to expect and what Cathy is going through.    

Anyhow, I’m sorry if anyone is surprised or shocked to learn about this.  I really wasn’t in the right frame of mind for a long time to be able to write about it.  It still tears me apart when I think about it, but at least now I’m equipped to deal with it.  I just spoke with the counselor today whowill be dealing with this issue and she’s preparing a private room at the college (to help save us on traveling cost) where we can start meeting her.  Both of us are needing this counseling because we’re both putting blame on ourselves where we know we shouldn’t.  

Okay, let’s change the subject.

I have made a life altering decision that I will either learn to regret or that will be the best decision I’ve ever made.  I’M GOING BACK TO SCHOOL THIS FALL!!  

I can’t sit around and wait any longer.  I realized I’ve been waiting for the "ideal time" to do something and that "ideal" time will never really come.  I have to step out of my comfort zone and just do it.  I’ve researched, planned, prayed about, thought about and researched some more and have decided I want to have a career in Diagnostic Medical Sonography.  I’ve already filled out my FAFSA and have been approved for it and have had my first meeting with the college guidance counselor.  My next step is to brush up on my math skills and then take the compass test.  Yikes!

I don’t think I have to remind you that I’m absolutely TERRIFIED!!  But…, I’m not letting fear rule me.  I’m doing this!!  Aside from the fear, I’m also looking forward to it.  I’m actually pretty excited.  We’ll see what my opinion is once I’ve started classes and have been in it for a few weeks. LOL!!  

So, until next time…