Going back doesn’t come easy…

It all started almost four and a half years ago.  It was the month of January, the economy was going down the toilet and everyone was feeling the effects.  Our little parish Academy, two counties away, where my daughters attended school, was no exception.  Those who had the money to keep their children in the school went above and beyond charity to help those who were less financially stable.  But soon, they too, fell on hard times.  I had no other choice but to pull our children out of the school that we worked, prayed, and practically lived for, for nearly five years.  It was probably one of the most heart breaking times of my adult life.  Not only could we not afford the long trip out to the Academy anymore, but, we were so financially stricken, we couldn’t afford the gas to travel the 35 minute distance to Mass every Sunday, either.  

As a result, disenchanted, hurt and broken, I lost the fire and drive that kept me going for so many years and almost completely lost my interest in our faith.  "oh what a weak, petty, fool I was!"

By the end of summer of that same year, my Van broke down.  The transmission was toast and we didn’t have the money to get it fixed.  We couldn’t go to Mass at all , then.  

When Hubby’s grandmother passed away, leaving us some money, Hubby bought a family size SUV.  We could have started attending Mass again, but, by this time we were so out of the discipline, I didn’t bother.  It was also around this time that Hubby suffered the on-set of Multiple Sclerosis – which we wouldn’t learn about for another three years.  As the months passed, and his condition worsened, he worked less and less hours which reduced our income even more.  Then I started having health issues.

Today, we’re still in financial straights.  With me not being able to work and he only working about 30 hrs a week – instead of the 47-50 hrs per week that he used to work, we’re only just managing to keep our heads above water.  But, what happens when an income you’re used to suddenly isn’t there anymore?  You adjust.  How my husband is able to manage the bills is still a mystery to me, but he manages it.  I’ve done what I can to cut back on expenses and it’s helped some.  

Now I’m looking at the necessity for my children and I to start attending Mass again.  Poor Wesley has never made his first Holy Communion.  There’s much, do to my own fault, that he doesn’t know.  This is unacceptable.  

Last Sunday was supposed to be the day we went back.  I had cleaned for Mr. K. and purposely set aside enough money for gas to make it possible.  I arranged to make sure Cathy and I had proper clothing (assuming the other two girls had skirts that still fit) and we hunted down our Missles (prayer books) and chapel veils.  It seemed all was in order.

Then it all came unraveled.  

My Mom decided she was taking the girls Christmas shopping Saturday night to pick out their gifts.  They need clothing and she had a discount card that was only good for this week.  Allie wasn’t home, though, and I couldn’t find her girlfriend’s phone number.  Mom ended up taking just Cathy and Liz.  While they were off shopping with my Mom, I drove out to Allie’s friends house to tell her that she needed to be home no later than 8 AM if she was planning to stay another night there.  She agreed and the friend’s Mom assured me that she’d drop her off at home in the morning. That taken care of, I came back home to pull my good coat out of storage and get it into the washing machine.  As hubby was heading up to bed, he realized I had no decent shoes to wear with my skirt and top.  I would have gone in my tennis shoes if I had to, but, hubby told me to go to Walmart and buy myself a pair of cheap dress shoes.  I had to wait until the girls came back home before I could leave because Wesley was having trouble falling asleep and he couldn’t be left alone.  They didn’t get home until 12:00 AM.  They no sooner walked in the door and Liz announces she’s staying the night at my Mom’s and only came home to grab an over-night bag.  This had upset me greatly because I was sure she knew of our plans to go to Mass in the morning but she insisted I said nothing about it.  She left and I ran out to the store.  After hunting through just about every box of women’s shoes, I finally found a pair that fit.  Then I realized I didn’t have any panty hose to wear, so I quickly grabbed a pair off the shelf, paid for both and hurried home.  I got home around 1:00 AM.  Then Cathy’s boyfriend called, crying on the phone, he needed to talk to me.  His home life isn’t the greatest and he knows he can talk to me when he needs to.  He had me on the phone until 3:00 AM in spite of my constant and gentle reminders that Cathy and I had to get to bed and be up early in the morning.  

By the time I finally managed to drag my sorry, tired butt into the bed, it was 4:00 AM and Hubby was lying in bed awake.  He woke up and couldn’t fall back to sleep, so, of course he wanted to talk for a couple of minutes before he got up for the day.  I didn’t close my eyes until 4:30.

My alarm started buzzing at 8:00 AM and I didn’t hear it.  At 9:30 Allie shook me awake and said, "Hey Mom, I thought you wanted to go to Mass.  Oh, and I don’t have anything to wear."  I flew out of bed, started dressing as fast as I could, thinking everyone else was ready, and my hand went right through my panty hose!!  AAAhhhh!!!   I ran out into the hallway to let everyone know I’d only be a couple extra minutes because I had to find some kind of hose to wear and that’s when I looked at the clock, and sunk back down on the bed.  There was no way we’d make it out to Mass by 10:00 AM.  Cathy was still in bed, I over slept AND forgot to put my coat in the dryer, Allie had nothing to wear, Liz wasn’t home.  Grrrrr!!!!

I’m chalking this weekend up as a trial run that failed miserably.  All the children know, now, what’s expected of them for next weekend and this won’t happen again if I can help it.  

It’s probably a good thing I didn’t go, though.  I’m STILL coughing my eyeballs out in spite of all the medications I’m on.  (That wouldn’t have been very pleasant for the rest of the parishioners to have to listen to in our tiny Chapel.)  Our Nebulizer died on me, so I have to call the doctor to see if he’ll call in a prescription for a new one.  If I don’t get this under control, I may end up in the hospital.  

This morning is a rough one, too.  Allie, who never seems to need to talk to me, decided last night that we needed to talk.  Happy that she finally gathered the courage to confide in me, we sat up late hashing out some issues that were bothering her.  For the second night in a row, I was up way too late.  By the time I crawled into bed, the alarm clock told me I’d get 4 hours of sleep, if I was lucky.  Luck wasn’t on my side.  I ended up having a horrible coughing fit that lasted nearly 30 minutes – on and off – and didn’t fall asleep until ONE hour before I had to get up.  

So, that means I’m going to go lie back down and take a nap, now.  

Oh, wait, I can’t yet.  I have some important phone calls to make first.  Ugh!!!

I wish all of you a good and productive day.  Mine will be spent trying to catch up on some much needed sleep.  God Bless you all!!

Until next time…..