At the End of the Rope…

 …you only have two choices; fall, or hang on tight while you try to climb back up…

This has been an impossible week, ending in disappointment.  

To say I’ve reached the end of my rope is a gross understatement.  

I’ll spare you all the other crap that’s been going on this week (which has been a LOT) and just write about the main issue I’m dealing with.  

I called the vascular surgeon’s office to request a different pain reliever to take when I have the procedure done.  I told her that I wasn’t happy with the side effects listed for the one drug they were wanting me to take.  The nurse suggested she could send me an Rx for Vicodin, instead, and I agreed since I was already familiar with it.  I discussed with her the dates I was available for surgery and she said she’d call me back within 24 hours to set the date.

Two days later, which was yesterday, I get a phone message from his office telling me that, "After viewing the test results from the Neurologist, Dr. L. has decided to postpone the procedure until January or February.  He just feels that at this time, it wouldn’t be a wise decision to go through with it."  

Needless to say, this scared the crap out of me.  What the heck did he see in those test results that would make him suddenly change his mind???  I immediately called her back and asked what he was basing this decision on and she couldn’t tell me.  I requested that he call me and she said she’s leave him a note.  About an hour later, he called me back.   

He basically told me that he still believed that my pain issues were not related to the bad veins and he didn’t see any point in putting me through a potentially dangerous procedure that would result in only a 10-30% improvement.  When I asked him if the test results from the Neurologist were significant enough to give him cause for his change of heart and he said, "No, the test results were inconclusive to normal.  I just don’t believe the pain you’re experiencing has anything to do with your veins."

"WHAT THE HELL??"

I argued the issue, recalling how he told me a month ago that the veins were very bad and they would only get worse if they weren’t taken care of .  I told him I’d be happy with a 30% improvement over having nothing at all done.  He disagreed.  He is unwilling to put me in the potential danger of suffering a blood clot or permanent circulation problems in my feet for such a small percentage of improvement.  He said he’d not be able to do more for me than what the compression stockings were already doing for me and then asked if I still experienced pain when I wore them.  

I told him that when I have them on, my lower legs, feet and ankles feel better but I still have pain above the stockings behind my knees and in the lower area of my thighs.  He says, "See?  That tells me that there’s more to your whole pain issue than just the veins."

What the hell is he talking about???  It’s VERY obvious to me that the veins ABOVE the stockings are aching because they’re not being compressed and supported!! 

DAMMIT!!!!!  I still believe he’s wrong!  Since I’ve been managing my glucose and taking the Vitamin "D," I haven’t been experiencing the all those other symptoms I had when I first saw him.  The sharp shooting pains have gone, the restless leg syndrome is gone, the lower back pain has diminished considerably, and the ankle stiffness and pain is almost non-existent.  My energy levels have gone up, I’ve been moving around a lot better and the only "other" pain I’ve been noticing has been arthritic pain on days when it’s raining.  However, when I climb stairs, I can feel the veins in the back of my knees bulge and the veins in my inner thighs ache.  The very veins he was talking about treating!!!!

He has no idea what he’s taking away from me by refusing to do this procedure!  I’ve been tested for just about everything imaginable and every single test comes back either negative or inconclusive.  I do NOT believe there is anything else left that’s causing the remaining problems.  I realize that the procedure is potentially dangerous, especially considering the diabetes, but left alone, the veins are only going to get worse!  HOW THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO HELP ME?!!!

Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to tell him all of this when I was on the phone with him.  I was just in too much shock.  To be honest, I didn’t realize just how much my pain has improved until after our phone call and a really long, good cry.  Once I regained my composure and gave it some serous scrutiny, that’s when I realized how much of a difference there was.  That’s when I realized just how much I’d been able to accomplish over the past few weeks that I couldn’t do before.  

I’m not willing to let this go.  I’m NOT going to give up over something I think I’m right about.  Until a doctor is able to precisely point out an undeniable cause, contrary to what’s already known, I’ll remain convinced that it’s the veins in my legs that are causing the remaining issue.  I’m going to buy myself some firm support pantyhose that will wholly cover my legs and lower back and wear those every day until after Christmas.  By January, I should know if it’s helped to improve my mobility and pain management.  If it does, I’m going to call my primary physician back and tell him what I did and request a different vascular doctor for a second opinion.

This is so damn frustrating!!  I didn’t need this on top of everything else I’m dealing with.  

No NoJoMo for me.  I have too much to do.  

I’m hanging on tight and trying to climb back up.