Tired, Cranky, Moody

Up in the attic, down on my knees
Lifetime of boxes, timeless to me
Letters and photographs, yellowed with years
Some bringing laughter, some bringing tears
Time never changes the memories,
The faces of loved ones who bring to me
All that I come from, and all that I live for
And all that I’m goping to be
My precious memories are more than an heirloom to me

Yeah, the tree is down. I get all moody every year when I pack it up. I’m not sure why.

I’m almost done setting the department for spring. We have two more big sections and then we’re done with the major set. My bike stuff and Power Wheels plan-o-grams are coming out Monday, so I’ll have to get them set by Friday. I had a talk with my boss’s boss this afternoon. He wanted to know if I had plans to leave the department and go somewhere else in the store anytime soon. I told him no, that other managers had approached me about it, but the only move I wanted to make was to the project team. I told him that as of March they would need to replace me one way or the other because at that point it will have been a year of being by myself and I really don’t need the stress anymore, so I would probably step down. I don’t think he liked that answer. Too bad.

My boss was a bit of an ass after work. I was standing with Ember talking, and he shooed me away like I was keeping her from working. There was no work to be done, if there had been she’d have been doing it. I’ve never interfered with her doing her job and I’m a little pissed that he a) didn’t have sense enough to see there was no work to be done, and b) didn’t think I’d know better than to keep her from working if there was work. If you organize the store along classic infantry lines, I’m either a senior corporal (squad leader) or junior sergeant (section leader) and he’s the platoon sergeant or lieutenant, depending on how you look at it. Yes, Ember is in a different squad/section but I know enough to know when it’s ok to take a few minutes to talk. He doesn’t need to micromanage every damn minute of the day for everyone. Or it might have been more of the basic lack of respect that he has for me. He’s always questioning what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. He doesn’t want me to do my basic every day computer work because he doesn’t think it’s important, but then he fusses at me when his boss fusses at him for it not being done. If a customer asks him a question and I’m not in his direct line of sight, he gets on the intercom and pages for me to “come back to toys” like I’ve been a bad boy and wandered off. The only time I am ever out of my department is when I’m doing a carry-out for a customer, answering a question at the registers, or on break or lunch. All perfectly valid reasons to not be in the department. This past week he was fussing at my for being on the computer when I was printing price labels for the plan-o-grams we were about to set. I almost asked him if he wanted to use hand written labels. All 700 of them.

Then they were going on about how my department should have already been set for spring and it wasn’t, blah, blah, blah. OK, plan-o-grams only came out on the first and it’s now the eleventh. The last time the department flipped it took people with more help and experience than I have six weeks to do it. They can shove it up their cabooses. I have to see what my insurance situation would be if I left. I don’t know how expensive COBRA would be and I can’t afford to be uninsured for even six months anymore. I may just step down early and screw ‘em anyway. I mean what can they (legally) do to me that’s worse than what they’ve already done?

God I’m cranky when I’m in pain. My eye hurts like a son-of-a-bitch right now, and I’ve just used my drops, so that isn’t it. I can’t take a pill because I want to be conscious if Ember comes by. She should be off work by now. Maybe I should call her.

I’ve got stuff to make cookies, but I’m not hungry. Of course, by the time I am hungry, I won’t have the energy to make them.

I’m cranky. And mopey. And I want to see Ember but I’m the one that’s supposed to be all mature and supportive while Sammie’s gone. She doesn’t need anymore of my crap unloaded on her right now.

My eye hurts.