The cold *does* bother me after all

I have been moping around for better than a week now and I really need to stop and get over it, the only problem is now I remember what I’m missing. Over the course of the preceding eleven years, after Critter and I split, I had convinced myself that I was not only content, but I was happy. I’d built my little ice fortress and declared to the world that loneliness and depression be damned, I was going to hide what I was feeling and pretend everything was okay and the cold didn’t bother me anyway. I once told Critter, when she broke off the engagement with OtherGuy and she asked me how I lived feeling like this (the only time she’s acknowledged what she did to me), I told her something along the lines of “It’s not like that all the time. You’ll never forget how much this hurts, but after a while you’ll forget to remember, and you’ll be able to go days, sometimes weeks at a time without hurting. I do”

Well now it’s fresh and I’m having a really hard time forgetting to remember. I’ve muted her on my personal Facebook, which I had just added her to, and I don’t check my work Facebook that often so I’m good there. Elsa has another new boyfriend, and I’ve had to mute her too. Even though nothing ever happened between us and what little was going on ended over a year ago it still bothers me seeing her with this guy for some reason. I’ve got to send TreeSap’s Tupperware back to her, and I’m seriously considering sending her a note with it telling her I miss her. I think she misses me too, based on some of her Facebook posts about missing someone and not being able to do anything about it. Of course she might be trying to bait me into a reply so she can declare to the world she isn’t talking about me and I need to get over myself. I am so cynical. I probably need to get my key back, which I had given her the last weekend she stayed over.

There’s a job I’m in the running for that’s a lot closer to my house than my current job: right now I’m driving a hundred miles a day round-trip and the new job would be twenty-seven miles a day round-trip. It’d be a raise, but the schedule wouldn’t be as good: my weekends off would be a thing of the past. There’s another job still in the training division at another facility but it would still be about a hundred miles a day. It’d be a raise and I’d keep the schedule but I’m getting really tired of driving that much every day since I’ve been doing it for ten or eleven years now.

I’m just so confused right now. I need a change. I like the training job but there are things going on at my facility that may be a systemic instead of just my facility, in which case I need to part ways because that division is going in a direction I don’t want to go. I won’t know until I go to another facility though, and if I go I’m committed for a minimum of two years unless I leave the company, which I don’t want to do right now. The close job is also in a new division but there’s more of a future with this division, and less meddling from the other parts of the company since it’s in operations and directly affects sales. I’d also be working for someone I’ve known for years, and I’ve never known him to be anything but fair in his dealings with everyone, and generally once he makes a decision he sticks by it, unlike my current manager.

I have no idea what I’m going to do. Probably something stupid in all honesty.